The Nest is….so empty..

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My baby boy left home, and is off pursuing adulthood in his way. After all these years – I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected me, a lot. For the first month (before I knew it would be permanent) it was weird and I didn’t want to be at home when he wasn’t there. When he said he’d be there for a few weeks, I settled in for a few carefree weeks – and that was nice.

Then he lowered the boom and told me he was moving in…I cried. It took everything I had to tell him I supported his decision and that I was proud of him for moving on in this way. ALL I HAD. It’s my job to take that backseat now, to encourage his independence, his decisions, etc. Even if I don’t agree with them – it’s not up to me now. I’ve had many days where I’ve been on the verge of tears all day because I miss him. I miss his hello when I would get home, I miss his sweet smile when he’s tickled about something, I miss his jokes, everything.

That’s natural I’m sure. I’ll take a little credit because he moved in with his father, and his father and I haven’t spoken in over a decade. But I was not the mom to talk trash to my son about his father, I have a heart and I couldn’t hurt my boy like that. So he’s exploring a relationship with a different part of his family he hasn’t had in his life, and though I know I’m being blamed for that – I don’t really care….most of the time.

What hurts me the most is that I don’t hear from him. My birthday came and went – without a comment from him. Mothers’ Day I don’t really care about and he’s always known that so I’m not real hurt that he didn’t reach out that day either. It’s the not reaching out at all that gets to me. I can make excuses for him easily enough, but being an adult means you have to balance your relationships with people. I’ve told him this and I think eventually he will…but until then.. Ouch.

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…and Overnight, Everything Changes!

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…my my my. When last we spoke, you and me, and the other three of you…I was sitting at a bar, lamenting and trying to be hopeful about my future. Missing my son, wishing things had been better the last few years and working on a glass half full attitude (I was failing miserably).

AND THEN.

I’d been toying with the idea of moving to a smaller place, but I hate moving so I hadn’t really committed to the idea. A few days after our Saturday chat, I decided, found an apartment community that I liked and started a dialogue with them about availability.

AND THEN.

Four days later I got the phone call that would pull me out of my funk ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I’d been interviewing for different positions for several months, and I’d been passed up for several positions, but one in particular had passed me by and I was, unquestionably, saddened by it. I had even gone so far as to let it knock me down a rung on my self esteem ladder (as if I have time to work on getting back up there..sheesh).

Then I get a call from the recruiter for that position. Evidently another position opened up and the company wanted to, and did, extend me an offer! This is in a field I’ve never worked in, only dabbled, and with a very large reputable worldwide company.

AND NOW.

I’m looking at my life taking a complete 180 turn within the next two weeks and COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED! Faith in positivity restored, my optimism is replenished and I look forward to all the interesting things that will be happening subsequently. For the first time in my life, being a new empty nester, I will move into my first one bedroom apartment completely alone.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M OK WITH IT.

#newjob #lifechanges #changeisconstant

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Sitting At A Bar

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Typical of my age, and relationship situation, it’s Saturday night and I’m… At a bar. Watching the Texas Rangers, drinking at my safe bar though..by safe I mean, I have low pig tails, a hat on and no makeup. Even if I were to get hit on here, I wouldn’t go anywhere with it. I’m glad I have a place like this to relax in, no pretense, no desire to spiff up for the people that come in here.

Most people my age are raising kids and doing parental stuff on the weekends. I’m past that now, my son has moved on to another part of his life, though I do hope he comes home once more, I wasn’t ready. Not by a long shot. I know he is though, so I’m not pushing.

The next several years will be transformational for me.. And I’m finally getting excited about that.

When you are at the point where your kiddos are grown and gone, what are your plans?

#emptynest #barstool #SaturdayNight #Rangersbaseball

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Just Me and You

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When I first saw you
I couldn’t believe my eyes
And that you were mine
One of our first hard times
And we both made it!

Your nose is like mine
Eyes round and big
I’d never suspected
I’d have such a cute kid
With crazy quick wit

Thoughtful and sweet
Kind to all you meet
Years and years we
Were two musketeers
Just us, against the world.

Now you’re grown and it’s you
I can’t tell you everything
What good would that do
Of course, I miss you
But I’ve never been more proud.

Set your path young man
Enjoy as much as you can
Learn from others, more than I did
And never forget, you’re always my kid.

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