Little Lies

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I’ve forayed off into country now for almost the whole’s highly unusual. I grew up listening to country and rock and there was a similarity in that most of it was storyteller music. The music was an artful form of expression, the story the expression of love, pain, lust, whatever – it was beautiful. I had to explore some other genres for a while…ok a decade.

Anyways, I’m back into it, hook line and sinker, and one of my favorites lately is a song called “Say You Do”, I’ve always liked Dierks Bentley…he’s great with love songs. Wink. I’ve been swept up before, just like this song requests; he says..andf I’m paraphrasing..lie to me, say you love me, just say the words I want to hear, just for tonight. We’d be lying to ourselves if we acted like we haven’t all felt that way before, you just check out of reality, get swept up in something that doesn’t make sense in the real world but for a few hours, it makes perfect sense.

I’m not too proud to admit the thrill of an encounter that is temporary and contrary to what we’re all taught, it’s hard to match. Feeling wanted, even if it’s a lie – to my mind, at least you know it’s a lie, and you can pretend without the hurt later. Cold and unfeeling, maybe – but let’s face it, that’s the way this world is, and to be a willing participant in something that satisfies us even temporarily, why the hell not?

Mercy on my Heart

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I think we can all agree that drunk texting is an absolutely horrible idea, especially if it’s not to a current love/friend/person in our lives. Sometimes a person being in our past is enough to keep us from contacting them, especially when we’re mad. Those of us with willpower of course.

I’ll concede that most times, I resist the temptation, I haven’t always been so strong though. For instance, last night. Lawdy people, you’d think I was 14…in my mind I was all angst, but had a smile on my face and I was being social and all that jazz.

Against my better judgement, last night I did exactly that. To the most recent someone that put a scar on my heart. To my shock and surprise however, I got a response this morning. Which reminded me that I had done that last night, then deleted, I was sure there would be no response and I didn’t want to remember what I’d been thinking about last yes, I deleted it before I fell into a drunken slumber.

But the answer. There was a tiny exchange and thank all that is good in this world, he had mercy on me. Boy do I ever feel foolish, but at the same time – after his disappearance from my world, any response was going to shake me. In the name of transparency, I’ll share the exchange.

Drunk MG: Much as I might hate it, I still miss you.

Disappeared Guy: Why

Mad at herself MG: In those moments, I still believe you meant everything you said.

Disappeared Guy: Good cuz I did.

Shocked MG: Thank you for that.

I leave you with a song.

Genius in the Shower

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I am a procrastinator. It’s a terrible waste and it really is a fancy way to say lazy to be honest with you, but no one likes to think themselves lazy. I have written countless times about seizing the day, making your moments count, and I catch myself doing the exact opposite.

Some of our best ideas, thoughts, fight responses – happen in the shower…and today, as I waited 4 minutes for my hair conditioning treatment to do it’s thing, I had a great idea. Actually, it’s not really my idea, but I think I see a need that needs to be filled…and I’m strongly considering filling it. I am deliberately being ambiguous, but I will promise you this, dearest reader of mine – you will be the first to know about this if I decide to run with it.

But alas, there are other things on the horizon that are changing. As some of you may now, I have a son, and the manchild just recently turned 18. It was as scary as I expected. So now I have all this future ahead of me and have made very few plans for it. I think we all think about going back to school a few times, and I intend to return to school as well, I believe I know what my profession was meant to be and I’ve wasted plenty of time feeling out other fields, jobs and careers…none of them did for me what I did for them.

I want a few simple things in life, to help people, to make enough money that I don’t struggle (If I can survive on 25k per year with a son, that’s not a tall order) and I don’t want to work forever. I also have decided to stop doing things I don’t like, one of those is currently my source of income. Just because I’m good at it, doesn’t mean I like it – I have always thought I should do what I’m good at, but really – I’m good at A LOT of things, so that would mean I’d be working several jobs. My focus has changed to doing what I want to do. To that end, I have to tidy up a few things, then I’m going to move forward with buying an RV to move into.

One thing is certain, you can come along on the ride with me. I’ll be posting about my escapades candidly…subscribe today so you don’t miss a thing!