Blind Spot

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Much better arguments than the one I’m about to make have been made already. I’m simply weighing in because the thought of these massacres continuing is weighing me down. I cannot fathom the thought of another mass shooting, though – I can say after the measures presented in the house and senate being beaten and not passed -I think that happening makes another massacre an eventuality, not just possible.

How many people have to die before even those on the far right agree that something must change about our gun laws? I’m a gun owner, and I personally feel like what I have is sufficient for home protection and self protection. I’m also not scared of a delay in processing my purchase of a gun for the sake of a thorough background check. In my personal opinion, those who protest any further safety measures might have malicious intent. I understand being a patriot, but part of being a patriot and a human is realizing that sometimes, we must evolve as a people. Like science – that’s evolution of a people, solving problems that become pandemic for many people is a habit of human beings. Since the dawn of time we have all tried to be better humans.

Why is this our blind spot?

I want to discuss this, but reasonably, not angrily, we all want these to stop, so how do we get there when so many of us are opposed on this issue? I simply don’t understand why anyone needs an AR15 in a personal collection. I believe our rights were laid as a foundation, but seriously folks, anytime something like this becomes an epidemic, isn’t it our duty to solve the problem?

What say you?

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Life Will Teach You, When You Forget

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Crazy how quickly we get used to things going a certain way..and when it changes, our reaction. How expectant, even those of us that consider ourselves self aware, we can become when we face less challenge on our path. I recall many times that I would sit down and think to myself, what else could possibly go wrong, when everything seems to be going wrong.

So I say, alright then. Challenge used to be my norm…then things chilled out long enough that I forgot what that was like.. i.e. got comfortable. Life in the last two years for me has been pretty difficult, by comparison to nearly the entire decade before it..but guess what, after the last year I finally got to a point where I was ready to throw up my hands in complete WTF fashion and ask the universe, WHAT GIVES YO?

Then I remembered how resilient I was in my twenties. Those years were replete with challenge, one thing after another and I kept getting up and fighting. Somehow since then I got a little comfortable and the previous bouncebackability that I had sustained was something I began to expect. Except – I wasn’t putting any work into it, at all.

Now I ask myself what the hell did I expect to happen but a complete collapse before realizing that I had failed MYSELF. And isn’t that just the most disappointing thing ever, to fail yourself? I spend all this time building up other people, telling them what they deserve, what they should have and how proud they should be and what am I doing? Ignoring my own coffers.

So I’m starting to remember what I was built by, not comfort, not relaxing surroundings no – hell no. Constant change, consistent disappointment, it was a time in my life I crafted the phrase (or picked it up, whatever) “Expect the worst, hope for the best, and if we fall in the middle, it’s all good.” So I’m reminding myself of this because this year as well, halfway through and it’s already put me through the ringer. Lots of good things have happened but there have been a lot of WTF moments as well.

So cheers to strength from within, remembering my roots, and reminding myself that I’m tougher than my circumstances will ever be.
#toughbitch #fighter #survivor #countrytough

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The Nest is….so empty..

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My baby boy left home, and is off pursuing adulthood in his way. After all these years – I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected me, a lot. For the first month (before I knew it would be permanent) it was weird and I didn’t want to be at home when he wasn’t there. When he said he’d be there for a few weeks, I settled in for a few carefree weeks – and that was nice.

Then he lowered the boom and told me he was moving in…I cried. It took everything I had to tell him I supported his decision and that I was proud of him for moving on in this way. ALL I HAD. It’s my job to take that backseat now, to encourage his independence, his decisions, etc. Even if I don’t agree with them – it’s not up to me now. I’ve had many days where I’ve been on the verge of tears all day because I miss him. I miss his hello when I would get home, I miss his sweet smile when he’s tickled about something, I miss his jokes, everything.

That’s natural I’m sure. I’ll take a little credit because he moved in with his father, and his father and I haven’t spoken in over a decade. But I was not the mom to talk trash to my son about his father, I have a heart and I couldn’t hurt my boy like that. So he’s exploring a relationship with a different part of his family he hasn’t had in his life, and though I know I’m being blamed for that – I don’t really care….most of the time.

What hurts me the most is that I don’t hear from him. My birthday came and went – without a comment from him. Mothers’ Day I don’t really care about and he’s always known that so I’m not real hurt that he didn’t reach out that day either. It’s the not reaching out at all that gets to me. I can make excuses for him easily enough, but being an adult means you have to balance your relationships with people. I’ve told him this and I think eventually he will…but until then.. Ouch.

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…and Overnight, Everything Changes!

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…my my my. When last we spoke, you and me, and the other three of you…I was sitting at a bar, lamenting and trying to be hopeful about my future. Missing my son, wishing things had been better the last few years and working on a glass half full attitude (I was failing miserably).

AND THEN.

I’d been toying with the idea of moving to a smaller place, but I hate moving so I hadn’t really committed to the idea. A few days after our Saturday chat, I decided, found an apartment community that I liked and started a dialogue with them about availability.

AND THEN.

Four days later I got the phone call that would pull me out of my funk ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I’d been interviewing for different positions for several months, and I’d been passed up for several positions, but one in particular had passed me by and I was, unquestionably, saddened by it. I had even gone so far as to let it knock me down a rung on my self esteem ladder (as if I have time to work on getting back up there..sheesh).

Then I get a call from the recruiter for that position. Evidently another position opened up and the company wanted to, and did, extend me an offer! This is in a field I’ve never worked in, only dabbled, and with a very large reputable worldwide company.

AND NOW.

I’m looking at my life taking a complete 180 turn within the next two weeks and COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED! Faith in positivity restored, my optimism is replenished and I look forward to all the interesting things that will be happening subsequently. For the first time in my life, being a new empty nester, I will move into my first one bedroom apartment completely alone.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M OK WITH IT.

#newjob #lifechanges #changeisconstant

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