I Have No Words

Posted on

Today all day the office has been tense. My boss’s wife has been battling Mesothelioma which if any of you know anything about, is not a hopeful cancer to have. Through miracles they found a doctor who performed what was perceived as a miracle for her in removing massive amounts of tumor in a surgery that is largely a new procedure. This was in February – the original surgery.

Recently they discovered that the tumor they weren’t able to remove previously was aggressive and has attempted to take over her insides by way of her organs. So this week my boss and his wife went back up to Baltimore to find out if they can work their magic again, via Dr. Alexander.

Six months ago when I built ShanaBearden.com I expected a good outcome – and at that time her diagnosis was Ovarian Cancer. It changed and the prognosis did not get better, but with that surgery there was hope. The most recent news takes away all hope.

We all just got the news that they can’t operate, the tumor was far too aggressive…I’ll give you the last two updates from ShanaBearden.com below.


5-1-08, 11:00 Dallas time–Just heard from the operating room nurse that they inserted the stints into Shana’s uriters and have made the incision on her belly. I was just visited by the Physician Assistant to Dr. Alexander. The news is terrible. The tumor is so interlaced with organs and blood vessels that they are not going to be able to remove any part of it. Essentially, they are going to do some palletive care issues and close her back up. There is nothing further that surgery can do for her and now the outcome is certain and short. This is the beginning of the end and we must all be strong for Shana. Her time will now be measured in weeks or months. This is hard news and the realization of my worst fears. I have loved this lady since I was a kid and I can’t stand the thought of having to tell her this news. I don’t think I can stand the look in her eyes. I have never felt so helpless, frustrated or scared. We must continue on for her sake and make her days as beautiful as they can be.
IF anyone hears from April, tell her she is cleared to go into my hotel room but since she is flying I have not been able to talk to either her or Chrissy yet. Please let me break the news to them. There are lots of surgeries and anxious people here today. I will keep you advised of developments as I get info.

And the following update most recently:

I just met with Dr. Alexander who is totally bumbed out over this development too. He says that the tumor in Shana’s abdomen is much larger and more defuse than the CT scans showed and that her entire abdomen is consumed in one large mass of tumor and organs. He does not offer any hope beyond hospice care. He says he has never seen as aggressive a form of mesothelioma as he sees in Shana and that there was no way that he could remove as large a tumor as what he saw once he was in the abdomen. He said that even in the areas he cleaned out just two months ago, there were new metastices that were evident. He seemed astonished at the aggressiveness of this tumor. We agreed that I would tell Shana when she wakes up what the outcome is. He is checking to see if there is some experimental therapy that we may be able to try but in reality there probably is not and we have to face reality with courage and dignity. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I do not want to have this conversation but I owe honesty to my wife and I think she will be at peace with knowing the outcome. Dr. Alexander seemed to think that we have at best a few weeks or maybe months but that there is no chemical or radiologic treatment that will do any good at this point. I don’t want her in pain or sick so we have to talk about what she wants and how she wants to handle things. This is very very bitter. I want to cry but I can’t right now, I have to be strong for her.

I cannot begin to imagine the feelings my boss is feeling right now. Nor can I imagine losing Jason, the love of my life. With this I end this post. I just don’t have any more words. While I was not related to her, I worked with her here for a short time before her diagnosis and I thought she was really a great lady. Through the comments shared on ShanaBearden.com – I learned she is indeed a great lady, a fantastic lady who has touched the lives of many people and telling you all about her is the least I can do.


One thought on “I Have No Words

  1. It breaks my heart every time I think about
    it which is every time I see one of the
    Bearden boys here, every day.

    I’m hoping to garner more prayer for her here
    so that maybe some divine power will step in
    and intervene on her behalf and knock the
    tumor right out of her. It makes me grateful
    that I have my health (as far as I know).

    Sabrinas last blog post..GirlFriday Memory Lane

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


CommentLuv badge