You wanna know don’t ya? Why there’s whispering and furtive glances in your direction that you catch from the corner of your eye, just before they leave the room for a few minutes. You have that feeling that they might be cheating, but in your heart don’t think they would.
You don’t want to believe that they’d hurt you that way, betray you to be with someone else. But it happens to the best of us. With the divorce rate being 50% chances are this might happen to you, you might be cheated on because not everyone is adult enough to break off a relationship before starting a new one.
You know somewhere deep down that they’ve been lying to you, that stories aren’t matching and the phone calls on the last few bills have been longer than usual and to a number you’ve never seen before. You know you want to get to the bottom of it. I would.
First things first, listen to your intuition. If something feels wrong, you’re probably best served to proceed with caution. Start looking for discrepancies to stories you’re told. Start checking where they’re supposed to be when they tell you they will be there. Become a romantic partner all of a sudden and start showing up for lunch breaks (if that’s possible) and calling during lunch hour if you can’t meet with them.
After you do this for a while, and if you’ve nailed down that your partner is cheating, the next thing to do is plan a few nights away and tell them about it. Try to make it work related (if you have that type of job) or family related so that your partner is pretty sure you’re leaving town.
Make sure you tell anyone and everyone else that you’ll be going on this trip too, except the people you’ll actually be staying with close by and tell them to keep their mouths shut, preferably a friend or family member you know won’t disclose your true plans. Call your partner to check in like you normally would if you were away and see what they’re up too, where they’re at, etc.
Borrow a car and then go check. If they aren’t where they say they are you know some thing’s up. Cruise by your home. If your partner’s car is there and no one else’s, maybe they are on their way to go where they said they were and you should just keep going. If there is another vehicle there that you don’t recognize, take pictures of the tags or write them down and a description of the vehicle.
Take that information down and if you want to know who it is you have two options, one only works if you know someone working in a car lot with access to running tags, if you don’t then your other option is to find a local investigative agency and see if they’ll run the tags. If you do have a friend in a car lot that can run the tags for you, have them do that for you and find out who the vehicle belongs to.
If you don’t know that person, you can have a background check performed by an investigative agency or a private investigator, it’ll cost you and they may have some suggestions or things they can do to assist your cause. It’s worth hearing how much they’ll charge and paying them to investigate your partner to get hard evidence to protect yourself if a divorce is ahead, if you can afford it. Given the nature of the work, and the danger it poses, private investigators are not cheap.
A lot of times, our partners will give us ample opportunity to bust them because they know you trust them and you won’t snoop. This can work to your advantage. If you know how to access their email, check it and see what you can find out. If you can access their voicemail, check that too. But only do this if you really have suspicion that they are cheating on you.
DO NOT confront this person in the heat of the moment.
What happens next is you go talk to a lawyer (if you’re married) or you break up if you’re just dating. Naturally you won’t go so far if you’re just dating someone because it’s someone you can drop fairly easily, this post is geared more to those of us in committed relationships, living together and probably married.
If they’re not cheating and you are just insecure because of something in your past and you go snooping and tricking your partner for no reason, you may well break up your relationship.
Trust is a priceless thing to have in a relationship and if you have it don’t ruin it on an insecurity you may have. Recognize it within yourself if you are insecure about yourself and are pushing that onto your partner, because you can drive your partner away with accusations as easily as if you were cheating. No one wants to be accused of something they aren’t doing. So make sure you’re right and you have proof or keep your mouth shut.
This is just a few tips to discover if your spouse or partner is cheating, it’s not all and I won’t give up much, if any, more because investigative work should be left to trained professionals. Anything beyond what I’ve told you here should be left to a pro who knows how to protect themselves.