The Ugly Inside

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No one likes to think about it, much less admit it, out loud or to themselves. That side of us that thinks negatively, judges quickly, makes us paranoid and suspicious, that ugly side of us, that we don’t want anyone to see because we know it’s a frowned upon attitude or thought process.

I have that inside me, the UGLY. The ugly makes me think I am ugly and that makes me care what other people think of me. I don’t like to think other people affect the way I feel about myself, but they do. That same ugly makes me think ugly thoughts about other people, I make assumptions that aren’t right, judgements that I feel guilty for later, and other deeds that are certainly not honorable.

I drink far too much. I find it to be one of the precious few things that calms me. Sometimes I feel lost and don’t know what direction to take, wishing I had a clear talent, something I was good at. I have to try at everything…nothing comes easily really.

But I have the UGLY. The syndrome that makes me feel like I’m being judged and where I too am guilty of the wrong assumption. Do you have days like this? Weeks, even months?

Seems sometimes I can’t shake this negative attitude, then for a while I’m doing well and staying positive and feeling successful…

Oh well, tomorrow is GirlFriday and that always cheers me up!

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