Can You Handle That?

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I have a huge pet peeve.

People that are fake. People that don’t take care of their own business but are quick to be in yours. I’m talking around the subject I really want to talk about and that’s kids and acting like your someone’s parent when you have nothing to do with the care of that child.

You all know someone like this I’m sure. We have an extended family member who has had two children, but cares for neither nor pays child support, she has left that for her mother to do. But every time she is around them she behaves as if she is really concerned with them and plays “mommy”. But she has no clue and it is very obvious.

It’s very sad to watch. What’s worse is her hostility toward her parents. You would think she would be thankful that her kids are cared for and she gets to see them occasionally. The kids are still small now so they don’t understand the situation, but as they get older and realize Mom isn’t there to care for them, doesn’t call on their birthday, know how old they are or even send a gift…it will be hard for them. Worse still it will be painful for them to think their own mother does not care, and the hostility she has created between herself and her parents shows in the way that they talk about her.

This relationship will be hard to watch as the children grow older and start becoming more aware of the situation. I grew up feeling like my mom didn’t care about me, and that’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on any child. It’s the worst feeling and looking back I see how it has affected my self image, how I treat people and my relationships in life. I was a depressed child, teenager and young adult, and have always been suspicious of the motives of others. I’ve had to fight the victim mentality and fight my own feelings of inferiority. Boohoo right? I’m not looking for pity, but objectively I can see what is happening to these kids, what it can do to your self image to be thrust into such a situation.

It’s not a life for the weak I tell ya. But I ask this, is it so hard to teach a realistic view of the consequences of sex in middle school? Sure it’s shocking, but for God’s sake can we stop glamorizing parenthood? The consequences of getting caught up in the moment are serious ones, not a joke and not be taken lightly. Jamie Lynn Spears has a baby and makes the cover of a magazine!?!? Um, not okay.

The first order of business is to stop making it such a big deal when young people who’s parents are famous or who are famous themselves have children and are able to care for them, what you won’t see in that magazine is the nanny taking care of the child, or the maids cleaning, which is far out of the norm of most teenage parents’ reality.

I was a teenage mother myself, having my son two months after I graduated high school. But from the moment I found out I was pregnant and until my son is grown, I have and will always be concerned with turning out a good man to the world. So far so good I think. I receive compliments on his behavior and I’ve never beat him, talked to him like he was stupid or tried to make him feel like he wasn’t as big a part of the family as I am.

I read a lot of books when I was pregnant and when he was small and I learned how to listen to my parenting instinct. You can come away from a bad childhood and be a good parent. You just have to be willing to learn how to be one. Read books and take from it what you like and make it part of your parenting style, but for crying out loud, care enough to learn!

This is the part where I gush about how amazing I think children are, because the first three years of a child’s life are the most important years as they learn more in that short time than ever in that short period of time again. It’s the most incredible thing in the world. For a small example, they learn who you are, who they are, what they are, how to eat, talk, walk, what hurts, when they’re hungry, what colors, shapes and things are, that is just a small small example. Who wouldn’t want to be there for that, or at the very least make sure that their child is cared for adequately during that time and their future?

I think when you can’t care for your child and know that you can’t, you have the option to put your child up for adoption. There are so many couples that cannot have children and it’s a blessing that you can provide, you become a hero instead of a single parent roughing it with maybe very little education. But if you’re lucky enough that your parents can take over the care of your child and you get the privilege of watching your children grow up and still be part of their lives, oh my God do not take that for granted! Souring that relationship will only hurt your children.

I’ve been fortunate to have always been able to keep a job, but that doesn’t mean that the pay was always adequate for the bills. Regardless, I did whatever I had to in order to provide for him and will always do that for him because that’s my job. What better job could I have? What more of a responsibility could I ask for to prove who I am?

Being a parent is without a doubt the most important thing you can do in your life. What can you do that’s more important, and what job in life is more underrated than parenting?

My point circles back to this extended family member and the way she conducts herself and her life. She lives for the boyfriend she is with at the moment. Her children hardly know her and she blames her mother for her “having to pay child support” saying that she didn’t need it. WTF?? It is clear how clueless she is, and how ignorant she is in the ways of the world and common sense. It’s a sad sad thing to watch. The kids are great kids though, and they are beautiful children and they are very sharp kids. We of course will see how this all turns out.

What’s your take on this? Am I wrong? Being too harsh? Do you know someone like this?


2 thoughts on “Can You Handle That?

  1. sounds like so one I know. I dotn think your being to harsh.though I wonder if that is the kind of person she is… how was she raised?

  2. totally agree with you. being a parent is not something you take lightly and it is a lifetime commitment. I think all of us know someone like this… it’s sad. You never get those years back w/ your kids. I wouldn’t trade the moments I have with my kids for anything in the world. They bring me joy and yes, sometimes they annoy me (teen & tween) those are passing moments. I wake up every morning for them & every time I am about to do something stupid I think what would my kids think if they saw me & i don’t do it. Actually that works for any decision I make – i think: how will this affect my kids. That answer is my decision. Great post. Continue being a good mother and you’re not being harsh at all. The truth hurts. -@jamimiami

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