Wednesday Fwd: Asking for a Raise

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I am trying to gather the willpower needed to request a raise from my boss, here there is no standard review, I have to ask for it. So when this joke hit my inbox, I just had to share. Prepare to indulge in a guilty pleasure, the dirty joke:


The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

V. Gina

I love it! Don’t you? Do you have any good jokes to share or funny emails you’ve been saving for just the right time to forward it and just the right person? Send it to me at and if it’s good I’ll post yours on one of the weekly editions Wednesday Fwd:!

I’ve been sick since Friday and am finally just today starting to feel a little bit better. So cheers to today being a better day than yesterday…Have a Happy Wednesday everyone!

Don’t forget to submit your pictures for this week’s Winner of the Week prize and potentially a $50 Grand Prize! Submit your photos that fit the caption “I Don’t Do Mornings” to today!


4 thoughts on “Wednesday Fwd: Asking for a Raise

  1. here is what i got back in the mail when I fwd this joke…
    That’s pretty funny, though I take issue with some of the points.

    I’ve yet to meet job that requires or desires Mr Niss to work for 8 hours.
    Pressured or stimulated to start working? You mean like the wind blowing?
    If my Johnson retires well before 65, it will be due to death or injury.
    Not only are double shifts and overtime possible, but working two jobs at once is not out of the question.
    There is a reason that P. Niss works well with T. Ongue – if one can’t finish the job, the other can.
    And finally, there is nothing suspicious about the bags – inspections are welcomed. In fact if the whole team of Mrs Hand, Dr Lips, and Ms. Tongue wants to give a thorough inspection, I’ll always make the time.

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