Someone more fortunate than I who receives quite funny forwarded emails has been generous enough to forward a few to me…and I am going to share a few of them with you.
Aren’t I generous? 😉
Here’s one to start:
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. ‘You know what?’ says the 6 year old.
‘I think it’s about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, ‘When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell
and you say something with ass..’ The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast,
he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs
crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I let you out!”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice,
“And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?” “I don’t know”, he blubbers,
“but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
You would think I would end it there because that was pretty cute right? Nope. I’m like a kid in the candy store, hope you don’t mind. 🙂
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The Pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. “Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl. “Oh, yes”, she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven’t Had the flu all winter.”
Okay, one more for good measure, I’m enjoying myself. I hope you like this last one…
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no
secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe
box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to
open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married,” she
said, ” my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?”
“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I’ll beat him to death……..
because I don’t know how to crochet.
Happy Wednesday everyone!