These are hilarious, so I thought this one would fit the bill quite nicely for our literally LOL Wednesday Fwd Edition.
Humor of the Famous
 Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.” – Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
 I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
 Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. – Mark Twain
 The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. – George Burns
 Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge
 Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain
 What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce. – Mark Twain
 By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
 My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante
 The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. – Jilly Cooper
 I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
 Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain
 My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. – Ed Furgol
 Money can’t buy you happiness… but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. – Spike Milligan
 What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. – Henny Youngman
 I am opposed to millionaires but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. – Mark Twain
 Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. – Joe Namath
 Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. – Herbert Henry Asquith
 I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope
 I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – WC. Fields
 We could certainly slow the ageing process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers
 Don’t worry about avoiding temptation… as you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill
 Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty.. but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. – Phyllis Diller
 The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out. – Unknown
 By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal
I certainly hope you enjoyed today’s edition of Wednesday Fwd. We do this every week, and for past editions click here to find more fun posts, including Wednesday Fwd.
See you tomorrow!