Hello Mouthy Fans! I’m Double Agent Girl and MG has asked me to guest post while she is away on her much deserved vacation!
I’ve been thinking, about MG’s “mojo”. Although she usually posts some great tunes here for us to get motivated on Fridays, I’ve been thinking a little deeper on the idea of what motivates me. As a single mother of two, I’d have to admit that those smiling faces have pushed me to work harder, sweat saltier and achieve greatness – all in the name of role model. I cannot discount that, but I want to go further, deeper into my own self…
Recently, I’ve been faced with a dilemma. Some people that I care about very much, people that are a part of my every day existence feel slighted by my “online life”. It goes deeper than petty jealousy, or time slights. It is personal to them, a feeling that I have another life that they are discluded from. At first, I laughed it off, silly silly… it is only a website… only words. But now, I need to look a little closer. Although I cannot apologize for spending my time in the blogosphere. I need to be in a place where all those things that make me “me” can flow. I need to write, I need to post my photography, I need to be connected to other people that are driven in the same way. Perhaps, in some small way, this little post can explain what I stumble over.
I write here to write. I expound on the things that I think about, funny, sad, serious…I’m not writing to somehow represent “my life”, there just isn’t a way to talk about all the people that touch me daily, or all the lovely things that happen from each second. I cannot explain the way my heart squeezes when Aftermath brushes the hair from my eyes… well I can, but not day after day. Because those things matter day after day. Minute after minute.
There is a separation between DAG and real life. In fact, the blogosphere is such a tiny, tiny part of it. Great people, wonderful writers, important moments and fleeting seconds where we just try to capture ONE word image. Recording just one doesn’t mean we throw all the other moments away. They are stored, here in my heart, and in there in my memory where I can call on them when I need to. Having a virtual personality doesn’t discount my real one. The heat of my palm on your arm, the scent of your shaving cream behind your ear, the twinkle in your eyes when you tease me. Those things are real, and they matter and I love them. I love every one of them. Even if I don’t write about them everyday.
It may be hard to see what really motivates someone. And I don’t know that I can rightly identify what my mojo really is. I feel more complete, I suppose, in being able to have an outlet for these creative energies. But without those everyday realities, I would be deficient. Little websites like mine round out a full and lovely life. How do I explain that to those who feel the opposite? How do I keep these small luxuries that keep me sane, in check, in thought – while still showing others what their worth is? Why does this become so difficult? I want to love them, and love me too.
Double Agent Girl