Reason, Season or a Lifetime

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I’ve never really understood why people like me, think I’m funny, or even why you read what I write here. Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t or anything, but I don’t think I’m some seriously smart chic who can lead you all into some sort of wonderful epiphany. Though I would love to be that person for you, I am nothing more than an opinionated MouthyGirl.

However, the few friends I’ve had in life I’ve expected to support me, understand me and overall, accept me. For the last eight or nine years or so, I’ve had a friend that I called my best friend as she did me. Recently, over this election, we have had a disagreement that has made me rethink our entire friendship.

Twice before I stopped talking to her for different reasons, both significant at the time though I’ve forgotten why now, but I noticed each time that the less I let her into my life, the less drama there was in my life.

This election has stirred an attitude in her that I don’t like at all, I’ve written about it a little here already, but she and I have spoken a few times since those posts and I thought our friendship just might survive but as I said before I’m seeing her differently now so it’s hard to confide in her like I did once upon a time. I’ve also noticed that when we talk, it’s not “us” talking, it’s her talking.

She always talked mad shit about the people I care about, my sisters, my hubby and she never noticed how silent I would become or how quickly I would get off the phone.

I feel like for the first time, I’m seeing her for who she really is. An elitist, codependant, racist snob from the backwoods with a superiority complex.

I look back over the years of our friendship at the fun we had and the problems that our friendship has had and I am remorseful that I didn’t see this in her before, or maybe I’m mourning the loss before accepting it as a loss, I don’t know but it’s a hard thing to deal with.

I’ve decided that she and I can’t be friends and it’s for the same reason I always decide to let someone go, they’ve shown me a side of them I simply cannot abide. I grew up with a hard mom and in a rougher part of town than a lot of my counterparts. When you’re poor like we were, you’re just poor, not white and poor, not black and poor, just fucking poor.

I don’t say that to garner sympathy but I do say that to explain that I see us all as equals, sorta like that song about Jesus loving all the little children, “red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight…” I just don’t see the distinction so many people make. Ironically, my friend is VERY religious, but has no problem seeing color.

My problem with this is that when those same racist people go to the hospital needing a blood transfusion I know they don’t for a second wonder what race the blood came from.

But I digress, my problem is that I feel that my loyalty is battling my pride with this friendship. My mind and loyalty tell me that this is just one small thing and that our friendship should mean more to me than that, but my pride insists that I realize that all these years that we’ve been friends, she has, in her mind looked down from her pedestal at me.

At times she was a very jealous friend, at other times demanding, and she was always insulting when she was drunk and at one point argued with me about when my son started walking. She’s carried a know-it-all attitude since I met her but I always defined it as confidence and refused to fault her for it. Oh, hindsight is 20/20.

I understand now why my family didn’t like her (save for the crazy one) and avoided her, and why no one else in my life that I love wanted to be around her. They’ve all seen what I failed to.

I have been her charity case, the friend she tried to teach and show the way. I’ve realized this and decided I don’t appreciate being anyone’s charity case. Who does she think she is? I never needed any help, just a friend.

Our season is over.

What circumstances would cause you to terminate a friendship? Aside from the obvious reasons like taking your man/woman or kidnapping your kids or some typical scandalous shit.

What have you said goodbye to friends over before?

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2 thoughts on “Reason, Season or a Lifetime

  1. As I told you before, I cut ties with my old friend prior to the election. It wasn’t just a difference in politics (in actuality she never followed politics, she just chose the party of her religion). After that, she started to try “getting back” at me by messing with my sister. Childish little game, yes. But she made me realize how cold and hateful she is. good riddance, I say.

  2. It is interesting when we look back at these experiences when everyone hated that one person in our life which we accepted for who they are. Simply its a lesson to learn from.

    I think a lot of people are delusional and allow things like religion and politics to divide them. In reality it is all the same just different names.

    toms last blog post..Just when you thought your life sucked

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