I grew up never fully understanding what love is…what it meant to love and be loved until I had my son. I understood when I had him what it meant to really love, to be willing to give up anything and everything for that little person you are responsible for bringing up, with love and respect and you hope you don’t screw up.
I spent a lot of time reading books while I was pregnant and even after he was born, while he slept I did a lot of reading, I even traded classes and took child development classes my senior year in high school once I found out I was pregnant and tried to learn all that I could to be a good mother, or at least decent. I felt that my example hadn’t been what I wanted to be and I needed to learn as much as possible so that I could make informed decisions as his mother.
My Little Valentine
I thought I did pretty good, even better once I was divorced and it was just me and the little guy. We had a great time together and spent a lot of time just having fun, we used to have a weekly “date night” where we’d go see a movie after dinner and he’d of course crash on the way home in the car, but I think those will be good memories for him.
Then I met J. From the first time we talked over the computer, on AOL of all places, I knew there was something different about him. A sincerity I’d never really seen in a man before, an honesty that broke down all the walls I had put up against people since childhood. From the first time we met, after a week of corresponding by email and talking on the phone, I really wanted to become a part of his life, and make him a part of mine.
I had always kept my dating life away from my son, and that’s not to say I did a lot of dating, I didn’t. But the few dates I went on I was sure my son wasn’t there and didn’t have any interactions with the other person. I didn’t think he needed to be part of that. When I met J though, it was different, he was different. He had a respect for that relationship between myself and my son and it didn’t take long for me to decide that I really wanted to make an effort to keep him around and introduced him to the little guy, who of course was a direct reflection of me.
My little guy was five at that time and in kindergarten. He has always been a fun boy and easy to love and get along with. He can carry on good conversations and can be read like a book, so it’s easy to tell when he’s upset or having problems so that we can help him.
Before I met J my priorities had been my son, school and work, in that order. I hadn’t met but one or two people since my divorce and wasn’t all that into dating really, it seemed cold and superficial and I never liked the bar and club scene, so my options I guess were limited to fellow students and coworkers, of which the pool was tainted and dirty, left with those choices I was happier single.
The first time we met, he made a move to hug me and I let him. Admittedly I’m not an affectionate person, our family was not the affectionate type so it just never became a part of my makeup, a habit to hug and cuddle. Not that I minded it. By the end of that evening I was swooning over him.
After that initial meeting I didn’t think he would call me because I had baggage and all. But he did and as surprised as I was, I was equally intrigued and enraptured by him. I fell in love quickly and have been that way since. I could ask for no better friend, partner, or lover.
I can’t imagine finding a better role model for my son. He’s willing to answer questions, show my son things that he’ll need to know as an adult and coached him on what it is to be a man. He treats him like his own son. I can only hope that one day my son realizes all that J has been there for and shared with him and appreciates that relationship of a father to a son, he could ask for no better.
As an adult I have learned what love is and that I cannot live without it. J and my son have taught me more about love than any author ever thought about putting in a book and it turned out I had pretty good mothering instincts. My son is a great boy and I’ve got a great man to be my Valentine every year for as long as this life allows us.