I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was terrified, I had always thought that I would never have children. Frankly, it was because I had 100% doubt in my ability as a parent. I knew my example was not what I would want to portray as a mother and thus, I decided early on not to have children.
I knew I wanted a child, and I knew I wanted a boy because I grew up around girls, but I didn’t think I would make a good mother so I wrote off the idea until that moment that the pregnancy test changed and showed that I was expecting.
I’ll always remember that moment in the bathroom of my boyfriends house, looking at that pregnancy test and at myself in the mirror. I didn’t know what I was going to do and I realized in that moment I wasn’t with the person I would be with forever which started my tears. I cried so much that day, I felt horrible for my unborn child, for my lost childhood and for the years ahead of struggle that I was going to endure and take my child through.
Then I devised a plan of action. I was still in high school, it was around November of my senior year in high school when I found out so I changed my class line up for the following semester. I changed Dance class to Parenting class, switched my regular Psychology class to Child Psychology and Early Childhood Development and quit smoking and drinking and the other things I did in high school. I graduated 7 months pregnant with my son.
I have never been so terrified in all my life but books are a good thing, parenting classes are a blessing! I took classes and read books and by the time I had the little one, I was still terrified but I felt like I might be able to handle it.
I wanted to raise a productive member of society, someone that will go out into the world and have a job, raise a family if he wants to and be successful in his life. Now we’re approaching his 12th birthday and I think it’s safe to say I did okay. We’ve been through a lot he and I in his short little life, but for the past six years we’ve had peace and have settled in a way that is hard to explain.
I love him so much I dare not think about the day we say goodbye as Mom and My Little Boy and hello as Mom and My Grown Son. I get teary at the notion – I know it’s coming, I just don’t want to think about it.
I’ve struggled with being a mom too, there were times when I wanted to run very far away and hide from my responsibilities, there were times I wished I could party like the other people my age, back when people my age were partying.
Overall though I think he’ll look back and have good memories, I’ve tried like the devil to keep the hard times from him, make sure he didn’t feel it and let that burden be on me. We’ve kind of grown up together. I’m at an age where a lot of people are starting their families, beginning their lives as parents where I just have six precious years left.
I remember his cute little chubby face when he was five and his cool mohawk we let him wear when he was 7 and again at 8 and now how he’ll do chores and crack jokes and entertain us the way that only he can. I love this child, so much that I can’t believe I entertained the notion of not having a child. What a fool I was!
My kid is a great kid. For all of you out there that think you can’t be a good parent, that’s hogwash. Read a book or two, learn a little something about how kids work and you’ll be prepared, your instincts will kick in and you’ll be amazed at yourself. Trust me.
This teenage mom did okay.