Shadows That Still Haunt

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I spend most days very thankful for the life I live, appreciating as many of the small things as I can remember to, like everyone else.

Nine years ago I was in the middle of a war against my ex, my son’s father. It was a VERY rough time in my life that started with being locked out of the home I lived in, and being told I wouldn’t see my son again because I wasn’t a fit mother. After a few hours in a lawyers office we filed what’s called a Writ of Attachment clarifying that my child was in danger, and he was, and that he was safest with me, which enacted a sort of arrest warrant for my son. He was 2 at the time and only remembers coming back to me in a police car.

The fact that my child had to have this experience at such a tender age, still pisses me off. It still angers me that that person thought he thought he could best me and keep me from my child. Yes, my child. My son’s father never once behaved in a way that a father should, he over-punished and unjustifiably punished my son for annoying him, never took his safety seriously and didn’t take the job of parenting seriously at all. Once I got my son back, thus ensued the custody battle, with us both ending up with joint custody.

It has been my opinion since I found out that I was pregnant that my childhood was over, my days of being footloose and fancy free were long gone, and quite frankly my teenage years and childhood were nothing I wanted to continue on. My ex apparently thought fun and games were a never ending thing, and honestly there’s a time and a place for everything in life, you can still play. But to do what he did, took it to a felony level. No one was joking when I found out about the felony charges against him – and saw my opportunity to take a negative influence out of my son’s life. The ex went to an eating establishment that has carhops, and when the carhop brought him his food, or whatever, he was exposing himself. He did this 3 times.

My jaw did that very same thing. He is now on the sex offender list because one of the three young ladies he did that to was a minor. He was convicted of all charges and he lost the right to visitation. One year later I had to have my attorney draft a letter to the principal of my son’s school because I found out my ex’s mother had been sneaking up and having lunch with my son, asking him to keep silent. That’s real good Grandma, tell the boy to lie to his own mother. That was ended swiftly.

Every now and then a thought will cross my mind that one day my son will be involved with those people again and I’d like to think I’ll handle it like an adult, but I don’t think I will. I’m an emotional person and while I’ll try my damndest not to let that affect my sons’ relationship. If I do my job well as my son’s mom, when he is an adult, he will be able to handle a relationship with his father, and hopefully keep him at a distance.

I’ve raised my son so far very well, he is much like me in that he is sensitive but doesn’t show it, highly emotional but won’t show it if he can avoid it, very social and likable and if I do say so myself, a very good looking kid. One day I know he’ll look the man up and I know he’ll have a relationship with him, but I hope against hope that it’ll be too late for the him to have any influence over him.

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2 thoughts on “Shadows That Still Haunt

  1. He won’t have any influence. I have a simular story..well actually worse. My daughter’s father went to prison for 10 years for sexual assault on a child. She always asked me why he was in jail, and I would always tell her cause he did something bad. Eventually, she wanted to know exactly what he did. I told her, and I was honest with her. She has no desire to have a relationship with him and she is 15 now. He went to prison when she was 3.

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