Holding Back the Years

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My mom posted some pictures on her Facebook page of our family, during mine and my sisters childhood and some of her and other family members.

I spend every day looking forward at what’s ahead and trying to plan for it as best I can. I don’t think much of the past because….well there it is and there it was, frankly I don’t remember much and some of the things I remember I wish I didn’t. By no means do I believe my life to have been horrible. I wasn’t a cute kid, I was a huge nerd but not a smart nerd, that was the funny part.

It all reminds me of innocence and how much you don’t know about the world as a kid, how clueless you are to real world things and of course, then there’s the idealized views you have of being a grown up. Boy is this shit overrated!

For instance, when I was 12 I got on the bus for Jr. High and I, like a few other girls, had started growing my lady lumps, which was strange for me but I didn’t know that I wasn’t the only one affecvted by this… I sat down next to a classmate named Alvin, (I remember his name only because of those stupid chipmunks and because he creeped me out) and he stared at my chest the whole ride to school and while we were standing there waiting to get off the bus at school he says, “I like sitting next to you watching those bounce” as he winked and leered at my chest. I was creeped out but had no idea at the time why he was talking to me like that, I just didn’t get it.

Sex was nothing I had ever heard of or knew anything about. I just kept my distance from him after that, we’ll call it a wide berth. If I had known at the time the kind of power these girls had, I would’ve been hell on wheels I’m sure but being a naive nerd allowed me to enjoy my innocence a little longer and that’s not really a luxury kids have today.

Everything is about sex, everything. Ads on tv, sitcoms, cartoons-no matter what you’re watching there’s gonna be an ad at some point selling something with sex and if its not in the ads its in the shows. You have to explain these things to your kids a lot younger and if you don’t you stunt their social growth.

I’ve already discussed sex and drugs and drinking with my son who is 12, did all that around 9 or 10 and have had an open dialogue about it since. I tell him about girls though, boy do I warn him about girls, we can be bitches, but some of the chicks out there are crazy and manipulative and I don’t want him falling victim to that kind of drama…I have sisters and I know what drama is, my husband is fortunate that I lack the flair for it.

Anyways, all those pictures made me reminisce to a sweeter time when I could just waste away the day playing. I miss my sisters and our long days of hanging out, playing and getting in trouble, running around in the backyard. I miss spending a whole day just reading a book.

We all say it at some point. Those were the days…


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