Walking

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Memories are what they are..and definitely in the past. Sometimes though you have to remember that your past affects you every day. I forget that sometimes and like to believe that I’m as normal as anyone else..

But I’m not. My past haunts me like a creepy poltergeist. My memories contain images that just aren’t right. I shared some if those memories last night with J and he was left with nothing to say..and really what DO you say. I think it helps a little that those close to me to have some knowledge of it because as I said I’m not normal, educating them is only fair. 

My childhood was wierd and the one constant feeling I had as a child was one of not being wanted. I always felt as if I were a burden, if you’ve ever met me you know, I’m a very accommodating person in most cases. Those closer to me know the real me. My insecurity and oddly, my confidence come from the same place, the ability to care for myself and lack of fear of being alone is a gift and a curse because I also realize or I should say I expect – to not really be able to rely on anyone but myself.

Sometimes that’s sad and sometimes that’s empowering… depends on the day and the mood I’m in.  Ultimately, I am one of those people who doesn’t need anyone.  LOL.  Its that as funny to you as it is to me?  Bad joke I guess. 😉 

Sometimes its painful to walk down memory lane, sometimes I run to get it overwith quicker but I always go there, at least once a day and sometimes more just to remind myself. 
It’s necessary for me to go there to keep myself grounded in reality and appreciative of all that I’ve accomplished on my own.  Its also important to remember that even family sometimes will be the ones you have to let go of – but at the end of the day, miserably is no way to live. No matter what situation you may find yourself in, there is a way out, a better way, a better life, improvements that you can make to be happier.

Be happy while you can, be around people that love you and won’t hurt you and if you do get hurt, try to learn something from it.

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