I Remember You

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It’s bittersweet now..I never really went thru any mourning stages..as they say you do when a long relationship ends.  I miss him in rare moments..how we used to be able to talk for hours about nothing at all..but smiling and enjoying each others’ company.  I wonder if I’ll have that again and I wonder what went wrong or if it really was just a culmination of things that led to this path..then that one..and now here we are…apart. 

I don’t care to admit those moments but I have them..however rare..they are there. My metamorphosis has only begun.. there are many more changes in store and I’m excited about every one of them.. thinking about learning how to dance..a new language..a degree… so many things I’d like to do…

These are not resolutions for the new year…they are goals..for the new me.   I want to be more outgoing, more successful, have more money, learn to walk in heels, make muscles out of my softy arms.. learn yoga..find my center…maybe even eat, pray, love… lol. Couldn’t help myself…that was a joke lol.

What kind of goals do you have? Long term? Short term?  Resolutions for the new year? Share!!

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The Things That I Won’t Do

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I’m forward thinking..I take care of me and mine. That being said, I will not chase a man.. I expect a man to take the lead…to initiate and respond to the cues I typically obviously leave about. Now I recognize the complexities of tradition I bring to light but some of the old south is in me and I struggle not to call them “gentleman callers” 😉 though I guess that’s my beef right?  That they’re not gentlemen … Either way,  I know its an old point of view..

This has presented me with a problem. Men these days don’t expect to work as hard to get your attention..in fact….in these Jersey Shore fist pumping narcissistic days..men expect to be chased!  I will miss out on a few interesting people I believe..but I believe that the man does the chasing. Period. 

I should ad that this is the first dating adventure since 2002 or so…lol. Please discuss..I am very interested in your thoughts.

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Why Not

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I wanted more out of my life than I have..that’s why I’m making so many changes ..what I was doing wasn’t working so..time to switch it up.

I was a wallflower that was shy and reserved and quick to reject new things. So sad. Now even though the urge strikes me not to talk to this person..not to say that thing..not to watch that scary movie…stop laughing so loud..I push past it and just do it and it feels so foreign to do these things and say those words…not at all like me. 

And that’s the point.

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New Tattoo

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Sam I Am

I’m getting another new tattoo…..to pay homage to my paternal grandmother who called me Sam..she is the only one who ever did and I loved her…love her dearly.

I miss her everyday and I need to remind myself of her struggles so I can be stronger.  I’ll put in there somewhere RIP Wheezy ..cuz that was her nickname.

Miss you Grandma.

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