I feel too deeply. I’ll pretend..you’ll see the tough face and I’ll even laugh it off..but in those moments alone… I sometimes want to put on boxing gloves and fight my demons physically rather than think about it.. The guilt of bringing my son with me into a failed relationship..the memories and the knowledge that I should have ended that long before I did.
It’s hard to know my son has suffered at my hand..that my example has not been what it should and that his perception of how to treat women is skewed even in the slightest by my failure when I needed to be strong.
I sometimes stare at myself in the mirror because I’ve never met a more critical gaze than my own. If looks could kill. I’ve been wrong more than I’ve been right…and I’ve had more failures than wins.
But I’m not quitting. There will come a day…and a man who gets me and between now and then I’ll look and someday I hope that my boy will appreciate my candor with him about my failures. If he can’t learn from my successes..there are plenty of failures he can set his path to miss…
Columbus Day is Monday, in light of this I wanted to share this video..I think the “So Please..” is funny – the only reason I’m sharing, I don’t care about the politics quite frankly.
To be honest, I can respect people’s boundaries, but let’s be real folks, do I care about Columbus Day? No, I’m not off that day – it’s just another stupid day IMO.
This video that I’m linking to – I’m addicted, the beat, the song – the whole thing – I’m addicted. “get up.. get down…get up…get down…get up… get down” sounds a lot like my Monday through Friday 🙂 I’m party rockin’ are you?
Oh and there’s another video that I’m sure you have already seen but if not, you’ll love me for sharing lol.
LOL I have gone a little crazy y’all. I got a new tat today and I love it..been planning it for a decade..finally pulled the trigger.
That’s not all. There is much more that I’ve been doing..I’ve been changing my look a little..my style. I looked in my closet a month ago and realized I dress like an undertaker. All in black..all the time.
So I’ve gotten some clothes..shoes..and a new attitude, and an ego boost. Who knew..I’m kinda pretty lol.
I also had my first drunken night out..but that’s a story for another day. I feel like I’m living…and enjoying my life again.