Easy Come, Easy Go

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In my life, I’ve had a lot of friends come and go, I’ve learned to classify them into different categories by the way they behave.

I have die hard friends, who I know, unless I screw something up, will be my ride or die friends til the end. Those are few and far between.

I have selfish friends, who love me when they need me, periodically say hello when they’re busy, and like to ask my advice when they fall on rough times. These friends, tend to be the type that aren’t around as much when my life is going good, most especially when they aren’t happy.

I have party friends, who can’t be bothered to hang out unless it’s some kind of party. I’ve only just recently encountered that type.

Then I have the fake, nasty nice friends. The ones who are in my life as a means to use me, or make themselves feel better because they consider themselves better than me. These are the ones I cycle through, once I peg them, they’re out.

I think the hardest thing for me, is the reckoning sometimes, between what I had hoped for in the friendship and what it actually turns out to be. This is the hard part, but it’s necessary for my own peace of mind that I recognize who is really there for me, and who really isn’t. I can’t wander aimlessly and hope for the best, I’ve outgrown that stage where I’m ok with not knowing. I only want people in my life that want to be there, that appreciate me for who I am, the friend I am and the person I want to be.

How do you categorize your friends?

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When it Comes Home

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I don’t know if it’s Texas in August… if it’s August or if it’s just that time in my life. There are whispers among us when we’re in our 30’s. We don’t know if we’re young, old, youngish old, oldish young…or what the hell is up. This is when most of us are in the midst of child rearing and too busy to think hardly and we lose ourselves.

Howeva, WE do not have to walk around aimlessly for that north star. We can be our own. What we want does not have to be so very far from what we have, or can get – as long as we are realistic.  Keyword folks: REALISTIC. At 34, I have to face facts that I will probably not be the next Poet Laureate…and really, does anyone besides me know what that is?  Case? and point.  Nobel Peace Prize? Yeah….I’m not that nice anymore.

My, oh my, the rut I fell into. I should say I drove into it, because I was behind the wheel the whole time. Should have turned INTO the skid. After hydroplaning, hitting the guard rail and kicking my fenders, I’m back in action and the fog…it is a ‘clearin.  I mentioned in my previous post that I need to learn how to be a student. I never was a good one, really, ever. I learn by doing and that’s how I’ve gotten to this point in life, don’t allow me to delude myself into thinking this little section of the world is somehow special. So yes, I want to return to school…and I have a tentative schedule for my return in mind, but need to pen it onto the calendar and call it a plan..then start climbing the rungs to get there. Good news is that I’m already two rungs up.

Unemployment caused a few things to get stupid for me last year and I’m well on my way to recovery and I believe that fall of 2014 is the time of year I will be donning a backpack again and sticking my nose in educational books rather than entertaining ones. If they become one and the same – SCORE! But I doubt that’s going to happen.

Yep. For the next year, I will teach myself study habits, and how to be a student. I’ll start by practicing my eyerolls and gum popping. 😉

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Holding Pattern

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I realize on cup of coffee number two that..for the last two years…I’ve kind of been in a state of flux. I think I’ve had a few short bursts of clarity but what is that?  Times where the future seemed promising and full of wonderment. This should be an exhilarating time in my life and I find myself frequently lacking motivation.

Confused at times, unsure of my next step and worse! Second guessing myself. Could this be a rare burst of clarity?  One of those that may soon be forgotten?  I should hope not. 

I think I’m going to have to re-learn how to be a student. Not just for school, but of life. I talk about going back to school a lot, and most recently figured out finally what direction I want to go with it..and it’s going to take a while. Add in my lack of motivation and bang..stuck.  Further. I’ve been stuck in a reaction state since my grandmother passed and I think I’m finally seeing my way clear of that.

Wow 🙂  I feel lighter!

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Mindset

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It’s always interesting to me when I go through my note app, I’ve been using it and backing it up across different platforms for several years..there’s a lot of information, ideas, quotes I love, concepts, lists, recipes..you name it. 

As I was looking for one of many passwords.. (DSW I covet everything on you!) …I found this quite uplifting, fiercely independent prose that I threw in there back in April. Wonder what was going on?  LOL

Read on:

You’re looking down your nose at me
From all that you don’t see in me
But I don’t base success on you

This is such a foreign view

Preference of peace over acquisition
Experience, life,
Keep your stagnation
I’d rather go and do and be
Forgoing your “stability”

And in the end
When said and done
I’ll have LIVED
Each and every day
‘Til, the very last one.

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