I warn you all, the following post is filled with disgust and venom and may not be safe for you to be reading at work. However, if your skin is thick and you aren’t concerned about anyone who may see this, read on:
This post generates from a writing exercise that I read about and ran with, because I have passion in a lot of areas, but over one particular part of my life, moreso than any other. I know I’m not the only single mother out there being Mom and Dad for my child, and I publish this for your benefit and mine.
“Dear Bastard who shall remain nameless,
You helped me make an amazing human, in DNA donation alone. The other things you helped me with are hardly worth a mention however, I will mention them here because someday, though I may never voice these things, this amazing human might be curious how I felt about you. I am an adult who cares about the feelings of others and thusly, have only shared the following in hushed conversations not subject to eavesdropping. There is anger…and it is obvious:
You showed me what manipulation in a relationship looked like, and how horrible it felt to be part of deceit. I learned how to hate myself even more than I already did, because I was complicit in your deceit, even though I didn’t know why it was happening or what was behind it.
You taught me what it was like to be alone, while married. I learned what it was like to be a single mother long before I bore the title.
I learned how to be a mama bear because of you, you brought out the fighter in me that I was unaware existed, until you challenged me. Having given little of your attention to the family you helped create you attempted to rob this human of normalcy and love and on that day, I told you that you’d never get away with the shit you pulled – then I proved it.
I learned how to buffer a small child’s insults that came from a grown ups mouth, while teaching responsibility over our own actions as humans.
I learned how to have a thick skin when I withdrew this human from any arm of manipulation you still had, and how to bear the guilt of taking loving people out of his life, because you had such influence on them.
The most valuable lesson I learned was how not to be a victim, and how to walk away from insanity. You may never realize that your life is a fallacy, and that is justice enough.
Cheers to Your Farce of A Life,
P.S.: I wonder now, do you think of him? Do you wonder how he is? If he looks like you? If he’s a sociopath like you? I wonder if you even know that’s what you are. So help you, when and if you are ever lucky enough to meet this wonderful human I raised, if you hurt him, you will feel retribution in every form I can make manifest. I will forever be Mama Bear.”