I take my health for granted. I expect my body to do things for me regardless of how I treat it, and I have always been that way. I have recognized limitations and acquiesced to them, and for far too long. Two months ago, I decided randomly that I wasn’t going to do it anymore….and honestly I don’t even remember the impetus anymore. Making a decision is not hard for me, I’ve been doing that for as long as I can remember. I have acted as if I wasn’t lazy and that’s a damn lie.
I have been lazy for three years. The last two I was in an emotional funk, feeling a hole in myself that I couldn’t fill. Sure I had some small gains in perspective, epiphanies, etc. When you consider yourself a person who is self aware, these things happen frequently. So frequently that you begin to take those too, for granted.
It takes something drastic. Something scary. Something mortal. My body started sending me signals. Feeling discomfort, never being comfortable and I cannot believe now that I have tolerated this for so long! SO FUCKING LONG! I am disgusted with my past, horrified by my history, but not so much that I will dwell.
No, I will move forward, I have seen the light! So to speak. The light is my strength. The light is my past. The things that I have come through in this life it makes no sense for me to back down now. “Really?!!”, I said to myself, “Really bitch?! This is what we’ve come to? Fat, cranky, irregular sex life and couple that with no motivation…really MouthyGirl? This is the best we can do?”
..and I thought about it.
…and I thought about it some more.
….AND I SAID HELL NO.