The Fear

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About a year ago I decided to stop letting fear keep me from things, and it seemed the decision led to a lot of pleasant changes. However, as we mortals will do, we take a while to learn every facet of the decisions we make, and recently I think I’ve come to realize that I’m still affected and dissuaded from things because of it.

I’ll explain. There have been recent decisions in my life thatI feel now were motivated by fear, and that is the exact circumstance I was hoping to avoid. But BAM! In my face a few days ago..and I was bummed. The funny thing is that as time passes, I begin to forget my motivations and sometimes idealize things that don’t deserve that attention or the spin I put upon it. The cloud of emotion mucks up every damn thing doesn’t it?

At what point do I let it lie and just leave it alone? How long do you analyze a decision once it’s made to be sure it’s the right one? What if you change your mind and it’s too late, is that justice or is it a challenge?

Damned Mondays.



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On the level…I’m pretty overwhelmed today. Agreed to take my third job last night, got paid in advance for work I’m doing Saturday. No complaints there šŸ˜‰ That said, THREE JOBS. What was I thinking? I am one day shy of finishing my 30 day squat challenge and have not missed a single day. Took the commanded rest days and did all the squats I was supposed to…I’m proud of me. Ooooh and my pretty pretty biceps y’all. I’m loving my guns. I’m noticing other things too but I’ve decided I’ll only be taking my measurements every two weeks. Honestly I’m not in a race to get to some number or measurement, keeping track of my progress is what’s most important. I don’t want to micromanage this – if it’s too much work it won’t stick.

So I’m taking it at a comfortable pace, and not getting all anal retentive about my measurements or the number on the scale. I am pretty curious how much my boobs weigh though..having never considered that before – do I get to add that as weights when I’m doing crunches? LOL I’m kidding..kinda – unless it counts.

My biggest obstacle right now is food. I am not an eater. We won’t talk about italian food. (Kryptonite) I hate cooking, I hate shopping and you combine those two and I think I’m not giving myself enough of the nutrients I need. I’m also stingy, so I am not in a hurry to buy shakes, however I’m thinking – I may have no choice. Over my last few weeks of food charting, last week I bombed and didn’t do it, but I’m eating less and less, rather than more and more. I think this is contrary to what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m going to share the circuit I’ve been working, even though I think I’m about to change it completely and start focusing more on smaller muscle groups each day. Now that the habit is there and I feel guilty when I don’t do something to further these healthy goals every day lol.

Now if I could just feel that guilty about food. Hmph! I’m struggling today, I was up til midnight working on a report, got up and worked another hour on it before doing my 95 squats for the day, 95!!!

Now I’m off to work! Today is torso day, so I’ll come home, relax for a short period, emphasis on short. Finish my report, work my torso circuit and then if I feel up to it, one movie for movie night at the local watering hole (who just fired one of my favorite bartenders, the assholes – no I don’t care the reason – I loved her), and then home to fall out most likely.

Wish me luck!!

My Workout

LOL and here are the drawings I did so I’d know what to do without having to stop and stare at my phone or something – to keep going.
Illustrated by MouthyGirl



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This is my new hashtag when I’m tweeting, facebooking or whatever about weight lifting. #DoWork. I searched the hashtag on Facebook one day several weeks ago and laughed a lot at the results. šŸ™‚

I signed up and started following NerdFitness about two weeks ago after catching an article written there. Because I’m working a program that’s already designed, I haven’t delved into the site much, but it’s one of those things, when you see a good resource you want to keep it.

For my squat challenge today, Day 21, I had 145 squats. I had them all done by 7 am. I did a set of 50, rested for 2 minutes, did 45, rested for about 3 minutes and did the last 50, the last 10 I had to dig deep to do. In the beginning of this 30 day challenge, I was breaking my squats up into sets of 20, it was the way I could manage it. Did them throughout the day..and enjoyed it, but doing them within a few minutes presents a new challenge that I really like, it’s not only strength now, it’s also endurance. AND THOSE WORDS!!

I have those words tattooed as Kanji, on my right wrist and the back of my right shoulder. For me they always meant mental strength and endurance, the ability to get through anything, and now? Now it’s a physical AND mental thing for me.

I’m thoroughly addicted. My only problem is financing this new habit. Honestly, if I gave up some other things, this wouldn’t be a problem..but I’m not ready to do that yet and I can still work effectively at home for the time being. My next goal is to get into Deadlifting. Sounds scary, looks scary, but I’m going to do it.

Check this out with a barbell :


working on improving balance and single leg stuff – single leg stiff leg deadlifts with one dumbbell. Why is it always the "easy" accessory work that is the most painful and that I am the worst at?? Rest of training: Squats 8 sets of 2 at 225 3 sets of 8 at 140 Hip raises Biking And lots of mobility

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