In my life I’ve had these extreme moments of clarity, and they all sit in my memory like bright spots on a film when you look at them in a slideshow. They are surprising, enlightening and shocking sometimes all at once. I’ve been holding on to some self inflicted hurt for several months now – we’ll call it a delayed reaction to a recent event. This morning however, in my excitement over a first date this evening, I had one of these moments of clarity.
It was like the sun shone into my brain and reminded me that my instincts are good. Sure, sometimes I jump the gun when I have an inkling of insight. Which is what I believe this event was. I’d had an inkling that the relationship would not ultimately work out. The reasons are unimportant. But I’d had that little epiphany and when prompted, pulled the trigger that pulled the plug.
We are complicated creatures folks, regardless what we think of ourselves, we are indeed complicated. The makeup of human emotions has befuddled scientists and clinicians for 100’s of years and for us to be silly enough to think we have ourselves figured out – well…I’m guilty of it.
But back to the point. In my moment of clarity I remembered that I had known in my gut that relationship wasn’t going to last, and the whys. I have been stewing over that decision for better than a month, and it was too late anyways. However, I shared my thoughts and essentially got it off my chest. From the moment I told him, I felt better. There’s something to be said for unfinished business being finished. Closure is a real thing.
So now I have a first date this evening that I’m looking forward to more than I have any first date in a long time. I feel like my mind is in the right place, he’s interesting and has held my interest for several days. That takes a lot. Wish me luck!