People! Keep on Moving…

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…for a long time I was going through the motions. False bravado with a little confidence mixed with some experience and no one knew that I wasn’t really striving. My past three years have been some of my hardest and I have learned far more than I ever thought I would while I was going through it. Around fall, when I changed my focus to myself and started putting my health in front of most all other things, I began to achieve a clarity I’d never known before. In my early twenties I thought I was pretty clear and knew my direction.

LAUGH OUT LOUD!

Now I’ve circled back to myself, after the death of the most important woman in my life, the end of a long relationship that I never thought would end and the quickly approaching adulthood of my son, you can imagine I’m in a bit of a tailspin. I feel sometimes like I came out of a cloud of bullshit and doubt and found myself again finally, in these last few months.

I remember the girl I was in my twenties before I met him and I missed her the entire time I was with him, I just didn’t realize that she had gone missing. I said all that to say this, In these last months as I slowly but surely pulled my head out of my ass and saw the shambles I had created in my life, I quickly shook it off and began reconstruction. I mentioned before my 5 year plan, and every day I do one more thing to get me closer to those goals, sometimes more than one, but always at least one.

So many good things are coming, so many changes. I’ll be starting a business in a few years, but before I do that, there are a shit ton of details to work in and out. Not to mention, who knows what will change in the coming years, the beautiful thing about this life is that it is ever changing, ever evolving and if you’re amenable to these things, you find life to be more pleasurable. Resisting change is a sure fire way to become disgruntled about life and disappointed with where you find yourself. I’ll be perfectly honest, on any given day, I am worried about money. Will I have enough? Will my dreams be attainable? Will I even get close? I worry about my son constantly, I wonder if he’ll land on his feet, if he’ll find a good person to make a life with, will he end up a single father? Will he be willing to do what’s necessary to keep his family together, if it is possible?

My point is this, most of us had goals – even if we don’t now. Sometimes we get distracted with life and the tomorrows and the appointments and the kid sports and the going here and going there…and before we know it five, ten years have passed and we are suddenly slower, grayer and reminiscing our glory days. I say fuck that. My glory days are today, tomorrow and my future. I’ll think of those in the past sure, but there are MANY MANY more to come.

I may not have everything that I want, nor will I ever – honestly – but that doesn’t keep me from dreaming and being positive about the steps I’m taking to get there. Baby steps at least folks, do one thing every day to get you closer to that goal. And when you get there? Don’t stop! For fucks sake folks, you should never settle in where you are! Keep pushing, trying, walking, running, moving, shaking whatever you have to do – keep on going!

What’s your next goal? Small or large I don’t care. Get coffee? Well get your ass out of bed and take that first step to that goal. Spill! What’s your next goal?

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Smart + Awkward = Clueless at Dating

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This morning I did a little digging around on Google for dating tips. I’ll be the first to admit that I was in my own world in my teenage years, as well as in my twenties. I had gotten lucky that I had found people interested enough to get past my awkwardness and liked me regardless. I say that, sometimes they were lucky but whatever. All of it was a learning experience. Most recently I decided, since I’ve not had the best of experiences dating, maybe I don’t know jack or squat about what my type is?

That was instinct talking and I listen to that shit. So, in deciding that, the possibilities opened up as I stopped prejudging people. Intentional or not, we do this – I’m not proud of it, but we ALL do it. So I made the decision to stop ruling out certain things, because you know what matters to me? That I’m loved, thoroughly and deeply, I want to be loved. I want to know that it’s ME, that this man loves, my eyes, my smile, my mind, my body, my everything, that I am the ONE, from my empathy and generosity to my bitchy and sometimes bleeding heart views. I’m a feminist who is fiscally republican and socially independent. Yeah. Figure THAT shit out.

But if/when he does, and he loves me anyways, or even if he doesn’t, and he loves me anyway, BE MINE. I digress, though. I started this to tell you about a writer, Dr., author, blogger, TED guest, that I have discovered. He’s written a book called the Tao of Dating. After reading some of the blogs, and watching a TED talk or two…I can say this – that guy is really smart. Seems to me that it would be worth it for all of us to read the book for our gender. The Tao of Dating® by Dr. Ali Binazir promises to teach smart, awkward women (raises hand) how to be desirable, and still strong and powerful.

I recommend it, I have ordered it and I think that we could all benefit from his advice. Search him out on TED.org, you’ll see how valuable this input is for yourself. Now you tell me, what’s the best dating advice you ever received? It has to have served you well in your life, not just something you heard that you agreed with..

Till next time y’all. 🙂

ONLINE-DATING

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Big Dreams of a Tiny Footprint

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I wrote the title and laughed and decided to keep it, I already have a tiny footprint because I have small feet. LOL

I don’t believe I’ve mentioned this here yet, but I have an obsession with Tiny Homes, RV’s and the notion of Tiny Living. Since my trip to Colorado and subsequent return, what sticks with me the most is that feeling I had when I pulled out of DFW and onto the main highway that would eventually take me out of Texas to a state I’d never visited, New Mexico, and then Colorado.

I felt freedom like you read about, the passion in Free Fallin (Tom Petty), the freedom of charting my own path and that of my sons’, however temporary. Let me tell you something, it is absolutely ENTHRALLING to loose yourself of the things that tie you down and just get up and GO. There is no way I can describe it that you would understand until it happens for you. I felt so small and so big all at the same time. Towing a trailer of all my worldly possessions that was barely big enough for both of our beds. There are feelings that are great and then there are those experiences that everyone should have to enhance the human condition. This is one of them.

So back to the subject, tiny homes. My friend Mindy posted something on her Facebook, and mind you, she’d been sharing things here and there and I’d seen them but never investigated. Whatever day that was those months ago, changed my life. As my son has gotten older I have felt more and more strongly about minimizing the crap I have and freeing myself from the chains of belongings.

So I’ve saved several photos of homes I can see myself in, as of today, I have added the possibility of buying an Airstream and making it my home. Regardless of what I decide, in a few short years I will be in the market to buy an RV to live in while I save to build my tiny home. The first one I could see myself living in and researched about the build was a cottage style tiny home, completely solar powered. It’s a model made by Palm Harbor homes and it is just gorgeous! Check this beautiful tiny home out!

Fully built out with Palm Harbor providing all appliances, prepping the site, etc, would cost about $75000. A bare bones version of the same would cost approximately half that, I can handle that!! I’ve seen so many and still this is the one that I want to have built on a foundation for a tiny home, most likely on the coast but we’ll see. Just today I think I might have decided to buy an Airstream and live in it maybe permanently but definitely at least as long as I am saving and having my tiny home built on a foundation.

Let me show you some pictures and maybe you’ll understand. I know tiny living isn’t for everyone – some people just need to spread out. I don’t need stuff to feel complete, I just need words, the internet and books to be happy. Let’s not forget the Mavericks 😉 #MFFL

On with the Airstream Dream photos!

Tiny House Talk is where I get my daily tiny home porn, the airstream and more if you search, can be found here.

What do you think of Tiny Homes? Have you seen “Tiny” on Netflix? I just think the lifestyle will be perfection for me, and I’m SO EXCITED about it!!

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A Postage Stamp of a Tiny Picture

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“Do I hear chirping?” I thought, with my eyes still closed. Thinking of all the murderous ways I could cease the incessant noise, I am not a murderer of alive things so I throw off my covers and step out of bed, shrugging off the impolite alarm clocks outside in the trees. A stretch-yawn-grown-growl thing happened, as it does every morning and I started looking for my robe and shuffled it sleepily onto my shoulders, now slippers. When I step out of my bed, I look down into my tiny box, my perfect home and I smile.

http://tinyhousetalk.com/wp-content/uploads/meg-and-joes-tiny-house-tour-storage-loft-and-view.jpg

Tiny Home view from loft

Being in this place, that is all mine – I don’t owe anyone anything for it, except a lot of beer to good friends – I can’t believe that my dream is real and here in my face. I carry my tired self down the steps and start my tiny pot of coffee, doing squats and push ups while I wait for the satisfaction in that first cup. I am surrounded by the beautiful things I have chosen, every item carefully thought about and placed, each minute detail thought, rethought, decided against, and then re-allowed before finally meeting it’s final home. In the tradition of naming recreational homes, I have dubbed this tiny retreat The Lone Star Stamp, as it isn’t even a map dot – but I love it.

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This is a short description of how I hope to be waking up when I am 40 – upon this writing, I have big dreams of little things and hope for only one other thing to compliment my tiny dwelling, a big BIG love. (Loft view courtesy of Meg & Joe’s home)

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