The Battered Man

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I spent several hours talking to a battered man a few days ago, telling him about my experience in custody battles, being a parent and handling delicate situations and my knowledge of the law, never told him my name – on purpose. I don’t need him quoting me as if I’m a lawyer and I made that clear to him. Consult with your attorney, period.

Not only is he a battered man he’s also been emotionally beaten down for four years so much so that he feels so strongly tied to her, regardless of how horribly mean and jealous she is, how incapable she is of providing and how inept she was at maintaining her own home. This woman is 1 year younger than I am, 35 years old. I do not understand why ANYONE would stay with a person that would hit them, that’s a deal breaker folks. I will deftly shoot holes in any bullshit theory that makes staying with an abuser ok in ANYONE’S mind.

This man is financially stable and able to care for his two year old son. He has a great job that he can take time off from, and has several weeks of vacation available. He has also begun the purchase of a house. Some of you are like me and are just awed by the no brainer that is leaving this situation, when you have this much going your way. Understandably, he was concerned he would lose his son and pay through the nose to take care of him by proxy because he didn’t think he would get custody. This, is why he says he stays. So I explained to him what they law will allow. Settled his fears about custody, if the situation is what he says it is, have no fear – it’s time to GO. As we’re talking it is said that she is diagnosed bipolar and is un-medicated. That is when I told him he’s playing with a loaded gun. Oh and I mean it. He loves her, and I know the heart can lie and the brain will enable it, I’ve been there – but loving shouldn’t hurt like that.

By the time all was said, he was lining up his ducks, calling friends for a place to stay, making plans, working on his exit plan – did my damndest to instill in him that he didn’t have time, he didn’t have a week, HE HAD TO GO AND TAKE THAT BABY WITH HIM. I could go into the details of our conversation but I’d rather not rehash the whole thing, mostly because it’ll make me mad all over again. There are lots of things that I have no knowledge of, but family law, abuse, people who are diagnosed bipolar – these are all things I have a tremendous amount of experience with, and even teaching my child how to handle the other parent being off their effing rocker and dragging the child into the issues.

And I will argue those things to the death if it will save a child from seeing that kind of life and thinking it is normal. Every single child born to this world deserves a fighting chance at happiness, and if it means I have to be ruthless in arguing, because I mean to tell you – I was – then I will do so every damned time.

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