The Loneliest Number

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Some of us have a big problem with being lonely, it can be a difficult thing to deal with if it’s new to you. Myself, I have always been in some type of caretaking place in life. My son will be 18 in a little more than a month, and while he still has another year of high school left, I still feel the weight of his impending departure from my home.

Last year sometime it occurred to me how much I have sheltered my boy, I have talked with him about a lot of things that life will bring to his doorstep, but I have protected him from facing a lot of harsh things in life that may have molded him in ways that I can’t just by telling him about them. I think that as a single parent doing the job by myself, there will always be guilt over what I couldn’t do, what I didn’t have time to cover with him, what I could have done better. But when I’m honest with myself, and I take stock of the young man he’s become; I feel better, we’ve grown together and he’s learned a lot by observation as well as by discussion with me. He’s an astute young man and as long as he doesn’t get sidetracked by something bad, he’ll do well in life.

I have to keep telling myself this, and telling him my expectations so that he has high goals and maybe can keep himself too busy for distraction. I’ve run off on a tangent. This is what happens when you’re a mother I believe, every thought evolves back to the kidlet(s). So my fear, to cut this short, is that once my boy flies from the nest, and mine is empty, how will I cope with that? I’ve never truly been alone, from birth I have been surrounded by family, upon adulthood I had my son- and it’s been the two of us since that time.

You can see how an empty nest can freak a mom out. I’ve been so many people in my lifetime, all at once, that the prospect of being just me, and alone – is pretty terrifying.

I started this to discuss how I cope with loneliness…or try to anyways. Across the world, regardless of location as long as you’re on the surface of this rock we call Earth, we can look up to the stars. For me they’re inspirational and make the world seem a little closer together. I’ve fallen for someone who currently lives in another state, but is moving locally after recently securing a new job. Regardless of the miles that currently separate and the timezone between – the moon and stars we see, are the same ones, give or take a little hemispheric interference. I know for certain we see the same moon. It makes me feel closer to him to know that. Technology is the second best thing to make me feel closer to him. I’ve realized I don’t handle missing someone very well, lol. I’m greedy I guess.

Do you have to maintain a long distance relationship with family, a significant other, a child? How do you cope?


2 thoughts on “The Loneliest Number

  1. I’m a chronic/serial long distance relationshiper. (I made that up, hope you like it!) I’m almost the opposite of you in this regard- I’ve always been alone. Long distance is the middle ground here. For both, long distance is just enough to keep from being lonely without being overbearing.

    Long distance is hard in any form of relationship because it presents challenges that “real” (for lack of a better word) relationships dont. Trust is bottom line. Daily contact helps and extra sweet gestures get you through the no physical contact thing. If you’ve never actually met, its a game changer. Sometimes the chemistry isnt quite as strong in person, sometimes its way stronger. Sometimes you realize you hate the way they chew… maybe thats just me. Its a relationship roulette.

    Long distance is just as great because you get almost all the perks of being single. Youre routine is mostly intact, very little accountability and you learn more about the person before physical contact so the connection can be that much stronger.

    k. think Im done!
    Elle´s last blog post ..Jumpsuit Jonesing

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