Mercy on my Heart

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I think we can all agree that drunk texting is an absolutely horrible idea, especially if it’s not to a current love/friend/person in our lives. Sometimes a person being in our past is enough to keep us from contacting them, especially when we’re mad. Those of us with willpower of course.

I’ll concede that most times, I resist the temptation, I haven’t always been so strong though. For instance, last night. Lawdy people, you’d think I was 14…in my mind I was all angst, but had a smile on my face and I was being social and all that jazz.

Against my better judgement, last night I did exactly that. To the most recent someone that put a scar on my heart. To my shock and surprise however, I got a response this morning. Which reminded me that I had done that last night, then deleted, I was sure there would be no response and I didn’t want to remember what I’d been thinking about last night..so yes, I deleted it before I fell into a drunken slumber.

But the answer. There was a tiny exchange and thank all that is good in this world, he had mercy on me. Boy do I ever feel foolish, but at the same time – after his disappearance from my world, any response was going to shake me. In the name of transparency, I’ll share the exchange.

Drunk MG: Much as I might hate it, I still miss you.

Disappeared Guy: Why

Mad at herself MG: In those moments, I still believe you meant everything you said.

Disappeared Guy: Good cuz I did.

Shocked MG: Thank you for that.

I leave you with a song.

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Genius in the Shower

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I am a procrastinator. It’s a terrible waste and it really is a fancy way to say lazy to be honest with you, but no one likes to think themselves lazy. I have written countless times about seizing the day, making your moments count, and I catch myself doing the exact opposite.

Some of our best ideas, thoughts, fight responses – happen in the shower…and today, as I waited 4 minutes for my hair conditioning treatment to do it’s thing, I had a great idea. Actually, it’s not really my idea, but I think I see a need that needs to be filled…and I’m strongly considering filling it. I am deliberately being ambiguous, but I will promise you this, dearest reader of mine – you will be the first to know about this if I decide to run with it.

But alas, there are other things on the horizon that are changing. As some of you may now, I have a son, and the manchild just recently turned 18. It was as scary as I expected. So now I have all this future ahead of me and have made very few plans for it. I think we all think about going back to school a few times, and I intend to return to school as well, I believe I know what my profession was meant to be and I’ve wasted plenty of time feeling out other fields, jobs and careers…none of them did for me what I did for them.

I want a few simple things in life, to help people, to make enough money that I don’t struggle (If I can survive on 25k per year with a son, that’s not a tall order) and I don’t want to work forever. I also have decided to stop doing things I don’t like, one of those is currently my source of income. Just because I’m good at it, doesn’t mean I like it – I have always thought I should do what I’m good at, but really – I’m good at A LOT of things, so that would mean I’d be working several jobs. My focus has changed to doing what I want to do. To that end, I have to tidy up a few things, then I’m going to move forward with buying an RV to move into.

One thing is certain, you can come along on the ride with me. I’ll be posting about my escapades candidly…subscribe today so you don’t miss a thing!

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Trickery

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It was a three month romance and there near the end, I became discontent with him, as his views were archaic and misogynistic. I couldn’t get past it and knew that I would end it soon. Rather than have that opportunity to deal with things as an adult, he disappeared from my life, as quickly as he came into it.

He left things that I gave away, all but one thing. That one thing I had buried in my closet for months, when it was still fresh. But I’ve realized now, it was the idea of what we could’ve been that made me an emotional basket case. I was no joke, a zombie for a week after I acknowledged that he wasn’t going to reappear. ME! I’m stronger than that, smarter than that, and it still knocked me right on my derriere. Fortunately there’s plenty of cushion to make my fall a little less painful.

A few days ago, I dug that one thing out of the closet. Now it is part of my every day, and I’m ok with that. It doesn’t upset me to see it, or send me into reminiscent tear-land. But I’m also realizing that I have to struggle to remember what I was so discontent about with him, I’ve already idealized his memory in my mind. The mind is a terrible thing to waste of course, but it’s also a terrible thing if gone unchecked.

I still miss him, the way he would speak to me, and sing to me. The way that he looked at me, no one has ever done that before him, nor since. But that little season he was in my life, taught me A LOT. The moral of the story is that our brain is subject to playing tricks on us, it’ll discard sad/bad things and keep only the good and then we wonder what happened, we reminisce and eventually miss that person, forgetting all about what may have happened before – this! Ladies and gents, is how we can so willingly turn our bodies around and go in reverse, back to someone/something. We simply forget the bad things.

Remind yourself of the bad things, don’t let your brain get away with making you suffer unnecessarily. Remind yourself what he/she did to piss you off, what was the most irritating thing about them? Remember these things and know peace from that sadness that creeps up when you miss someone. And DON’T YOU DARE SAY “I’d like to have that one back.” Life is NOT lived in reverse people.

Onward and upward we go!

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