I Think It’s Called Growing Up

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When I was young, and even throughout my twenties, I was not social beyond the minimum and a few very close friends. It took so much energy to know what to do, how to be, who to be, because I wasn’t happy with myself. Once I entered my thirties however, I started to be more at peace with life, myself and other people and that made it substantially easier to be in the presence of others despite my awkwardness. I think because I realized it was my thoughts of it that made it awkward and also that every other person I came into contact with has their own struggles, and quite possibly the same as mine!

That was an epiphany that changed my perspective drastically. I learned how to be around other people and was less dependent on what I did to control my behavior and more dependent on me just being comfortable with myself. I learned to trust myself and my thoughts, and that I was a good person, with input to share that I previously didn’t think would be acceptable. Looking back over all these years now, I feel that I wasted a lot of time, and missed out on a lot of potentially great friendships because I was so caught up in my own head.

The thirties for me have been a very freeing time, I settled into being myself a couple of years ago and through all of my life, that is the best thing I have ever experienced on a personal level. Being comfortable and forgiving of myself is liberating, it means I can make mistakes but it doesn’t change my sense of self or self worth. I finally am ok with admitting that I’m smart, and fun and that makes it much easier to be around people, and also to choose not to be around certain types of people.

Have you reached a moment of clarity in your life that has made it easier for you to co-exist with the rest of the world? Tell us about it!

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I can’t keep a secret

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Other people’s secrets, I have no problem keeping, it’s easy because it’s not my business to tell. However, my own – they eat me up until I tell. So I’m telling on myself.

I’m writing a book. It’s early yet and I don’t know what genre it will fall into but it will find it’s home after I finish it. I write, or try to, write some every day and I’d like to finish by my birthday – which is looking more and more like it won’t happen. But one can never be certain, I could hit a few weeks of inspiration and finish it early, or I can go the opposite direction which I dare not name.

I’m not superstitious but I’m not tempting anything out there. That’s my top secret project mentioned in So Many Words. I think it’ll be interesting, and I did share a snippet on Facebook with my friends and family..the ones that read it liked it, but they’re obligated 😉

I intend to finish my book and if it doesn’t make it big, I’m fine with that, I’ll move on to the next – as it will be a series. You never know when one thing will set off a chain reaction 🙂 I never thought I had a book in me, and I still may not..but so far, I’m enjoying the characters I’ve created and the future I’ve designed for them. Tell me folks, what is the most scary thing you’ve ever undertaken, that you carried to completion?

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So Many Words

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I have a lot of things on my mental To Do list. Several books to read, no, more than several. Projects around my place to do, this blog to write, I’m working on something else I won’t tell y’all about yet… My job to do, my friends to see, karaoke to sing, at some point I’d like to have a good looking guy in my life that likes me A LOT. There’s also my teenager/adult in training for the BBW – Big Bad World (come on people stay with me) and so much more! Days like today, I have zero motivation for anything more than being in my bed watching a show I have been too busy to catch up on.

It’s getting done though…slowly but surely, all my things are getting done. I’m writing all the time, ALL THE TIME. I write at work for clients, emails, letters, pleadings, I write at home here and on social media, texting and all that…and my top secret project as well. SO MANY WORDS.

It’s crazy but it’s beautiful and I love it. I’m not a thumb twiddler, my brain is always firing off things to do, to remember, even the occasional internal guilt trip because I haven’t gotten around to certain things. Like my stack of books to read, I put them in a place where I see them every day…which has had zero affect.

Soon, I’ll get to you Mr. Vonnegut, very soon. So it goes.

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