Out of Phucs to Give

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We all have a breaking point. Sometimes we meet that breaking point with a person before we release a person from our lives, or they release us – whichever may be the case. Unfortunately, sometimes those relationships must remain intact for various reasons and we are then forced to stifle our unrest about the person/situation, etc. It’s no secret that my life is in a state of transition, from mom/caretaker/responsible for everything type person, to an empty nester, responsible for myself.

It’s exhilarating and terrifying all at once. Several years ago, if you’d asked if I was ready to be an empty nester, I’d have shouted YES from the hilltops. My kiddo was real good at giving me the blues back during those years. But as children will do, mine grew up as time went by and over the last year, he’s become a good young man, one that I have been proud of and delighted to help support.

That said, I’ve also refused to stand in his way of being the young man he wants to be, going and experiencing things, people and life that I am not a part of…and man does it hurt. But it’s not about me, and that’s why I provide him nothing but support in his endeavors, if he has questions, he will ask, but I will not insult his intelligence and treat him like a child any longer. I appreciate his input in life and I have faith in this things I taught him as he grew up. So my state of flux in life is largely due to this big relationship shift from caretaker/mother to single lady with just me as a responsibility.

Now this has affects on my work life too, I’m a responsible person, and I take care of my responsibilities without much hoohaa. But at this stage of the game, I’m ready to have less of those and more of the fun days. My patience for BS at work is at an all time low, as well as my willingness to cover someone else’s ass when they aren’t doing their part. After all these years of taking care of people, it’s time for me to be selfish, right?

I’m also looking to bounce from the field I’m in, to a completely foreign one, because it’s time. To stop doing what is safe, what I already know how to do well, what I can autopilot. I just kind of want to flip the table on my entire life right now and start everything over again. If only that were possible. Figuratively, I’m already in the process of doing so, but it’s a slow process when you want to do it with minimal upset.

I said all that to say this, I’ve noticed that I’m a little more argumentative than I used to be, with people that are dishonest, inconsiderate, or just plain rude. I’m a little quicker to speak up and disagree than I ever have been before. It’s time I stand up and stop living in fear of consequences – when you’re heavy on responsibility, certain people in your life can get away with all sorts of things because they know you need them, or what they provide.

But it’s time to shake the sugar tree and see what kind of fruits I can get to fall out. I know I can’t be the only one….speak up!


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