Asleep at the Wheel

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I get up in the morning sometimes, scowling at my clock, stretch a typical stretch that I seem to have made part of my wake up process, it’s just automatic. My routine is simple and boring, and usually hurried because me and the snooze button have a close relationship. I sit up for about ten minutes getting used to the idea of being awake and how much I look forward to filling my days with something else, something fun. The mind of a cranky 36 year old teenager, probably. Then I get out of bed, slide on my slippers and go in the kitchen and think about making coffee… looking at the clock to gauge how much time I’ll have to drink it. Then it’s shower time, after which I stand in my closet for ten minutes trying to make a decision.

Looking at the clock intermittently to determine my level of panic and frustration at myself for not being able to make a damn decision and do the damn thing. I’ll decide on something and finally get dressed, then add the accoutrement so many know me for…check out my Instagram you’ll see. By this time, I’ve ten minutes to get to work. Then it’s work for eight hours, squeeze in a lunch to break up the day, then out at five.

Five days a week I do this, and about 48 weeks a year. Occasionally I’ll have a morning of contemplation and have a moody day to follow because I’m disgusted I haven’t done more to alleviate the annoyance of working every day for a living. I feel that I spend much time going through the motions, doing the same thing every day, no one day more remarkable than another. It’s in these days I understand the genius behind vacations. It’s something to look forward to, or remember fondly in those moments where we gaze out the window, eyes glazed over. I long to forego alarm clocks and time clocks and paychecks that I am anxious to receive. It’s maddening as well as insulting, I should be better than this!

Here again I see my tiny home dream, the plan that I’ve been formulating for over a year, the desires to downsize and take control of my life and my future and make it more about adventure and travel and fun, and so many smiles that I get serious laugh lines. Yes, I actually WANT those lines on my face. It’s a friendly wrinkle and the feature it leaves on the face is one of happiness and I want that. In due time, I will have it.

In my near future, I will be asleep at the wheel of my RV, somewhere beautiful with history I’ll soak up and adore. Not a care in the world except to explore where I am, knowing that a decade prior, asleep at the wheel meant something entirely different to me.

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The Road Behind

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I approach this with a healthy level of fear
I’m not running from anything
I’m running to my future
To the dream of seeing another sky at night
…leaving the safety net and exploring.

When you see my smile
It’ll be true..and curious
I want to know the unknown
Embrace a strange place..

This is a new time
A time for me to see what I haven’t seen
And to show the fearlessness
that I want my son to approach life with

I’m putting it all in the rear view.

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A Project of Recreation

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For the last several months I’ve been on a personal mission to change. Almost everything. Who I am will always be the same granted..but I’ve hid myself away and been afraid to experience life.  I won’t do it anymore..I am 32 and have just started dating for the first time.  Started going to bars.. couple parties.. I’m living.

It’s pretty badass. I’ve replaced most of my clothes ..by default I’m happier with my life..my situation.  I’ve done whatever I wanted..whenever I wanted and no one has uttered a word of dissension. Why? Because I have self control. I’ll push farther than I should..but I won’t hurt anything. 

I work hard and I always have..I have a new direction and new motivations ..but my dreams remain the same and you’ll see. It’s the beginning right now..

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We Are Who We Are, You Deserve This

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I’m posting this because I found it yesterday on accident and saved it, and I have to share it with you because you deserve to hear it.

Stepping up to Happiness

Everybody Knows ~
You cannot be all things to all people
You cannot do all things at once
You cannot do things equally well
You cannot do things better than everyone else
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else’s.

So ~
You must find who you are and be that
You must decide what comes first and do that
You must discover your strengths and use them
You must learn not to compete with others
Because no one else is in the contest of “being you.”

Then ~
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions
You will have learned to live with your limitations
You will have learned to give yourself due respect
And you’ll be a most vital mortal.

Dare to Believe ~
You are a wonderful, unique person
You are a one-in-all-history event
That it’s more than a right; it’s a duty to be you
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift
And you’ll be able to stay up on what got you down.
~ Author Unknown

I’ll be back soon folks, lots of changes coming in the next month and I’ll be back with a vengeance. Beware!

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