The Nest is….so empty..

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My baby boy left home, and is off pursuing adulthood in his way. After all these years – I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected me, a lot. For the first month (before I knew it would be permanent) it was weird and I didn’t want to be at home when he wasn’t there. When he said he’d be there for a few weeks, I settled in for a few carefree weeks – and that was nice.

Then he lowered the boom and told me he was moving in…I cried. It took everything I had to tell him I supported his decision and that I was proud of him for moving on in this way. ALL I HAD. It’s my job to take that backseat now, to encourage his independence, his decisions, etc. Even if I don’t agree with them – it’s not up to me now. I’ve had many days where I’ve been on the verge of tears all day because I miss him. I miss his hello when I would get home, I miss his sweet smile when he’s tickled about something, I miss his jokes, everything.

That’s natural I’m sure. I’ll take a little credit because he moved in with his father, and his father and I haven’t spoken in over a decade. But I was not the mom to talk trash to my son about his father, I have a heart and I couldn’t hurt my boy like that. So he’s exploring a relationship with a different part of his family he hasn’t had in his life, and though I know I’m being blamed for that – I don’t really care….most of the time.

What hurts me the most is that I don’t hear from him. My birthday came and went – without a comment from him. Mothers’ Day I don’t really care about and he’s always known that so I’m not real hurt that he didn’t reach out that day either. It’s the not reaching out at all that gets to me. I can make excuses for him easily enough, but being an adult means you have to balance your relationships with people. I’ve told him this and I think eventually he will…but until then.. Ouch.

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Have I Mentioned

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I hate dating? Now I understand Wierd Science…those boys knew what was up, ordering up the perfect person. It’s genius really, plug in some data, let the computer do it’s ‘putering and voila!  The perfect guy, just for me.

I have a lot of first dates, not a lot of second ones and rarely a third. I’m picky and I know what I want, so this is my reality. I’m fine as a single lady, going, doing, whatever I please, so really my life is missing nothing. Trust.

I met a guy recently, things are going well, I like him, he likes me, we’ve had several dates and even a movie night. Then his talk gets kinda serious and I start slowly inching back. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves right?  He sent me flowers, which is a super sweet gesture.. But my concern for the speed at which we were moving hit a fever pitch.

Can I just stop and mention, I don’t have personal deadlines for relationships.. I like those to be slow and easy, not rushed or point driven.. I just wanna have fun and go on dates and enjoy companionship without some subtext in there complicating things.

And, why the fuck am I the one that’s laid back about it? Like, hey mister, ease on back.. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating.. I’m a commitment phobe…If it looks or feels like commitment, I’m outta there.

Then he asks to spend the day with me… I had plans, but I didn’t respond right away, I was busy. Then I get a text about an hour or so later, that he takes my silence as a no.

This is where you lose me buddy. My silence should not be interpreted. If I don’t say anything, don’t assume anything. That’s childish and stupid and I’m not into it. I don’t play games, nor will I be forced to because I like someone. Games kill it for me, every time, it’s a deal breaker. Not to mention, this ALL happened in a week.

There was one point where he said because there’s no commitment, my time is mine…which raised my eyebrow…it’s it just me or isn’t my time always mine? Even in a relationship, circumstances are rare that would allow or necessitate anyone deciding what happens for me…amirite? Like, maybe if I’m on life support…

There was a bit more after that, I’ll spare y’all the back and forth. I’m just saying, chill out guys. At my age (mid 30’s) there’s no rush to have a family or anything like that, that part of my life is done.

Ugh. Have I mentioned I hate dating?

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When I say Damn

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What a difference a night of sleep can make, with regard to emotion and perspective. My life has no shortage of drama, and I let it get to me yesterday and entertained a full on mad mood. FOR HOURS. This is not like me at all, and in this early morning light, I’m a bit ashamed of myself.

Now we’re at Tuesday, and I’m determined to have a good day. For many reasons, but the primary one being, it’s a beautiful day and my hair looks great!

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Challenge Accepted!

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Oh boy has it ever been a long time since I’ve done a blog challenge! Elle of none other than Casualty of Wear, has implored me to join a challenge. A STYLE CHALLENGE.

Lil tidbit y’all – this bitch has her own style. I might have one or two pieces each season that are considered “in” but I assure you, it’s purely by accident. So at first, I told her, half the things on this challenge, I don’t even own! Not to worry, the ever sassy Elle advised, I could pick and choose.

Now she’s got my attention. So the challenge:

October style challenge

And OF COURSE, because I’m late to everything – I missed, of all things, the NAILED IT challenge. I know, Mouthy is falling down on her game. Shaddup, I’ve been enjoying fall. However, I am posting a day late (and definitely a dollar short) because my nails look fantastic and Halloweeny all at once. I completely NAILED IT!

Feline Fingers

The top left is the example I found on Pinterest, the bottom two photos are my finished job. AND….the eyes glow in the dark. Because, cats. Do you think I nailed it??

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