My baby boy left home, and is off pursuing adulthood in his way. After all these years – I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected me, a lot. For the first month (before I knew it would be permanent) it was weird and I didn’t want to be at home when he wasn’t there. When he said he’d be there for a few weeks, I settled in for a few carefree weeks – and that was nice.
Then he lowered the boom and told me he was moving in…I cried. It took everything I had to tell him I supported his decision and that I was proud of him for moving on in this way. ALL I HAD. It’s my job to take that backseat now, to encourage his independence, his decisions, etc. Even if I don’t agree with them – it’s not up to me now. I’ve had many days where I’ve been on the verge of tears all day because I miss him. I miss his hello when I would get home, I miss his sweet smile when he’s tickled about something, I miss his jokes, everything.
That’s natural I’m sure. I’ll take a little credit because he moved in with his father, and his father and I haven’t spoken in over a decade. But I was not the mom to talk trash to my son about his father, I have a heart and I couldn’t hurt my boy like that. So he’s exploring a relationship with a different part of his family he hasn’t had in his life, and though I know I’m being blamed for that – I don’t really care….most of the time.
What hurts me the most is that I don’t hear from him. My birthday came and went – without a comment from him. Mothers’ Day I don’t really care about and he’s always known that so I’m not real hurt that he didn’t reach out that day either. It’s the not reaching out at all that gets to me. I can make excuses for him easily enough, but being an adult means you have to balance your relationships with people. I’ve told him this and I think eventually he will…but until then.. Ouch.
When I was young, and even throughout my twenties, I was not social beyond the minimum and a few very close friends. It took so much energy to know what to do, how to be, who to be, because I wasn’t happy with myself. Once I entered my thirties however, I started to be more at peace with life, myself and other people and that made it substantially easier to be in the presence of others despite my awkwardness. I think because I realized it was my thoughts of it that made it awkward and also that every other person I came into contact with has their own struggles, and quite possibly the same as mine!
That was an epiphany that changed my perspective drastically. I learned how to be around other people and was less dependent on what I did to control my behavior and more dependent on me just being comfortable with myself. I learned to trust myself and my thoughts, and that I was a good person, with input to share that I previously didn’t think would be acceptable. Looking back over all these years now, I feel that I wasted a lot of time, and missed out on a lot of potentially great friendships because I was so caught up in my own head.
The thirties for me have been a very freeing time, I settled into being myself a couple of years ago and through all of my life, that is the best thing I have ever experienced on a personal level. Being comfortable and forgiving of myself is liberating, it means I can make mistakes but it doesn’t change my sense of self or self worth. I finally am ok with admitting that I’m smart, and fun and that makes it much easier to be around people, and also to choose not to be around certain types of people.
Have you reached a moment of clarity in your life that has made it easier for you to co-exist with the rest of the world? Tell us about it!
What ever happened to manners? When someone holds a door open and waits for you to be able to enter, say Thank You. When someone says Thank you, say You’re Welcome! When you go out to eat, someone is SERVING YOU your food, they deserve a tip, and it’s 20% – not anything less unless the service is bad. And yeah, the delivery people count too, they use their personal vehicles to bring you food, deal with the elements to get it to you and then they have to deal with you, tip them! Here’s a big one for me, consideration of others. Where the hell did this concept go people? When you’re out shopping and you stop, move to the damn side of the aisle, the walkway – WHATEVER IT IS, GET OUT OF THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC. That works for fender benders too, if you’re vehicle will drive, PULL IT OVER, out of the way! When you’re walking down the street – don’t walk down the middle and make vehicles wait for you, THAT’S RUDE.
Additionally, I’m calling on all parents and adults in general to become a community again, it takes a village to raise children, and if you’re not policing your own kids, someone else is well within their rights to tell your kid to stop doing something they shouldn’t be doing. If you don’t like it parents, DO A BETTER JOB WATCHING YOUR BRATS.
#parenting #TakesAVillage #manners #thankyou
I love wordplay, that means puns (most especially) and words that mean two things depending on context, and the occasional double entendre. One that I use frequently is “at the end of the day” it’s something I say when I want to express finality. Most often I’m using it when I’m putting things in perspective (or rationalizing bad behavior) for myself.
My self talk is a constant reasoning with my impulses. I wish I were kidding. My impulses get me in trouble and in my twenties, as opposed to my counterparts, I had my impulses pretty well reigned in and under control. Now however, having been single for the last several years, and finding myself in a place where I can treat myself (no one else will lol) I have, at times, gotten a little carried away….er, a lot.
“What’s $10 at the end of the day?” and I’ll go hit up happy hour after work..or buy a new top at my favorite discount store. I tell myself I deserve it, after SO many years of sacrifice and putting myself last, I can finally, without guilt, buy things and do things for myself I couldn’t justify before. It’s been pretty nice, I’m not going to lie.
Now – for some truth, at the end of the day, I wrote this post just so that I could use this photo…