MouthyGirl.com

Child Support

Having a child is a commitment unlike any other in life, it is at times the heaviest responsibility and at others…the most delightfully spiritual relationship you’ve ever had. Children are a lot of work and as they say, don’t come with instructions.

My ex’s sister said to me once that I was lucky that he even wanted to be involved with my son. At the time I laughed at her ignorance and to this day it is still the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard another female say. All that aside, us moms are not “lucky” to have to deal with our exes, our children deserve both of their parents – fair, adult parents, unless they’re a disgusting criminal like my ex became.

My lawyer told me once that at a proceeding I couldn’t make it to that my ex had told him that he would never pay more than $400 a month in child support. It wasn’t about my son for him, it was about what was going into my pocket, regardless of the care I took of my son, the money I spent being sure his needs were met and he was fed and we were insured, etc…it is no small feat to carry a household alone.

None of that was even a thought. He asked me once why I even needed it because I was doing fine. LOL! Asking an inane question will get you an inane answer, I said, “I gotta get my whiskey somehow”. Huzzah!

For those of you that pay child support, it’s not about you, it’s about being sure your child can have the things in life that you did not, and a single parent cannot do that most of the time. At best a single parent can provide the needs and a little of the wants on Christmas.

Get over yourselves and take care of your kids.

Tags: caretaker, child support, children, christmas, household, irritated, lawyer, money, proceeding, ridiculous, single parent, spiritual relationship, stupidest thing, whiskey

It’s Not the End of the World

In April of 2009 I quit my job as a legal assistant for a work at home job….and it didn’t work out….my “employer” ended up not having the ability to pay me when his financial backing backed out. I hadn’t been out of work a day in my life since I started working and I didn’t know what to do, where my next rent payment would come from and how on earth I was going to feed the family on one salary when we’d been barely making it on two.

This is not the first time I’ve dealt with a life changing circumstance.

First, I told myself, be positive. I said self, “I have always been employed, it stands to reason that I am a reliable, important employee and someone needs me or I’d have been out of work a little more often.”

It was scary, eye opening and now that I look back without my rose colored glasses – I should’ve known better than to make an emotional decision. At the heart of the whole thing, I hated my job and it wasn’t the job, it was my boss. He had a way of making you feel like the smartest dumbass on the block and he was the only one that could bring the genius out. I had to part ways with that man and I took the first train out. If I had thought it through more, I would have realized that making that jump was a bad idea.

Suddenly, two weeks after my 30th birthday, I realized I didn’t have a paycheck coming and made the first of what I expected to be a few phone calls to borrow money until I got a job, from my family. I was very fortunate that I had someone that I could call, then I touched up my resume, which I’d been doing for a while anyways so there wasn’t much to be done there, and then I started scouring the area for jobs.

I was scared of what would happen, uncertain of our future and not sure how long it would be until I found another job, let’s face it, they’re not in the plentiful supply that some of us have been used to in other times. I found a job though, and it happened quicker than I expected, I have a large skillset to offer as well reliability, accountability and consistency. My resume speaks for me and I can interview pretty well most of the time.

“When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.” -Henry Kaiser 1882 – 1967

It wasn’t the end of the world, as with most trials that we face in life, it was scary but I survived. Hardships in life present themselves for two reasons, you bring it on yourself with a bad decision, or you have an external influence that screws the pooch, the pooch being you.

Ultimately, you have two choices in facing it, play the victim and feel sorry for yourself or formulate a plan and take action to solve the problem. It’s up to you, but know this….a bad situation doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Tags: end of the world, harship, income, jobless, panic, salary, two income family, unemployed, unpaid, work at home

Mortality and Facing It

I was visiting with my Dad a few days ago when he announced that he has Early Onset Alzheimers and that he’s taking medication but that he feels it will end badly. I knew he had it, he just was finally diagnosed and accepting treatment for it. He had a stroke a year and a half ago and it’s been rough since then. It changed him, he’s working still and is amazed that he can and still does it well but when you’ve been doing something all your life, it’s second nature.

When I was younger my Dad always seemed immortal to me, I know I’m not the only one who thought that way about their Dad. He was my hero for a long time, the big guy that could fix any car, with so many people into cars, I tried to absorb as much knowledge about them as I could, sadly it didn’t stick.

I’ve taken for granted that my family is getting older, I am self involved and caught up in my own little world so much that I forget sometimes that my time here is short, I don’t have a lot to spare and definitely not any to waste.

I hurt inside that he’s so fearful of the outcome that faces him. I see the fear in his eyes, the terror at losing control, forgetting the things that he’s known and having watched my Grandmother’s memory fade until she didn’t even recognize him, I don’t blame him for being so terrified, I’m terrified.

Folks, it’s a real bitter pill for me to swallow, I love my Dad and I love my Mom and everyone in my family even though I’ve been a contentious bitch to them all at some time or for a period of time, I love them and want them to be here forever and no matter what I hope they all know that.

I don’t like seeing my Dad like that, especially since I’m not in a position to help financially if necessary – that freaks me out a lot.

Do you have severe illness in your family? How are you coping? Please discuss.

Tags: bitter pill, cars, dad, early onset alzheimers, family illness, fear, grandmother, hero, illness, long time, losing control, medication, memory, mom, mortality, second nature, stroke, terror