Have I Mentioned

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I hate dating? Now I understand Wierd Science…those boys knew what was up, ordering up the perfect person. It’s genius really, plug in some data, let the computer do it’s ‘putering and voila!  The perfect guy, just for me.

I have a lot of first dates, not a lot of second ones and rarely a third. I’m picky and I know what I want, so this is my reality. I’m fine as a single lady, going, doing, whatever I please, so really my life is missing nothing. Trust.

I met a guy recently, things are going well, I like him, he likes me, we’ve had several dates and even a movie night. Then his talk gets kinda serious and I start slowly inching back. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves right?  He sent me flowers, which is a super sweet gesture.. But my concern for the speed at which we were moving hit a fever pitch.

Can I just stop and mention, I don’t have personal deadlines for relationships.. I like those to be slow and easy, not rushed or point driven.. I just wanna have fun and go on dates and enjoy companionship without some subtext in there complicating things.

And, why the fuck am I the one that’s laid back about it? Like, hey mister, ease on back.. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating.. I’m a commitment phobe…If it looks or feels like commitment, I’m outta there.

Then he asks to spend the day with me… I had plans, but I didn’t respond right away, I was busy. Then I get a text about an hour or so later, that he takes my silence as a no.

This is where you lose me buddy. My silence should not be interpreted. If I don’t say anything, don’t assume anything. That’s childish and stupid and I’m not into it. I don’t play games, nor will I be forced to because I like someone. Games kill it for me, every time, it’s a deal breaker. Not to mention, this ALL happened in a week.

There was one point where he said because there’s no commitment, my time is mine…which raised my eyebrow…it’s it just me or isn’t my time always mine? Even in a relationship, circumstances are rare that would allow or necessitate anyone deciding what happens for me…amirite? Like, maybe if I’m on life support…

There was a bit more after that, I’ll spare y’all the back and forth. I’m just saying, chill out guys. At my age (mid 30’s) there’s no rush to have a family or anything like that, that part of my life is done.

Ugh. Have I mentioned I hate dating?

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Impulsive

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I love wordplay, that means puns (most especially) and words that mean two things depending on context, and the occasional double entendre. One that I use frequently is “at the end of the day” it’s something I say when I want to express finality. Most often I’m using it when I’m putting things in perspective (or rationalizing bad behavior) for myself.

My self talk is a constant reasoning with my impulses. I wish I were kidding. My impulses get me in trouble and in my twenties, as opposed to my counterparts, I had my impulses pretty well reigned in and under control. Now however, having been single for the last several years, and finding myself in a place where I can treat myself (no one else will lol) I have, at times, gotten a little carried away….er, a lot.

“What’s $10 at the end of the day?” and I’ll go hit up happy hour after work..or buy a new top at my favorite discount store. I tell myself I deserve it, after SO many years of sacrifice and putting myself last, I can finally, without guilt, buy things and do things for myself I couldn’t justify before. It’s been pretty nice, I’m not going to lie.

Now – for some truth, at the end of the day, I wrote this post just so that I could use this photo…
#facetious #smartass

photo-1441154283565-f88df169765a_sunset reflection

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Oh the HUMANity

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love each other
Five days a week I work across the hall from a doctors’ office. The largest demographic of clientele are elderly or injured. Most of the time, I am zoned into the duties of my job and barely notice the foot traffic in my line of sight. Occasionally I look up while I’m thinking over something or because something caught my eye and I’ll see regular people, with kind faces opening doors for each other, helping their injured or elderly loved ones, friends, patients; as they walk inside the clinic and take their place in line to see the doctor. I see people hop up from where they are sitting to get the door for someone who has come alone and is on a walker or in a wheelchair.

They sit patiently and make conversation with each other, and others in the clinic and generally it’s a friendly little crowd in that waiting area – and it IS most definitely a crowd from 8-5 any given weekday.

As our nation sits back and discusses the general consensus on the Confederate Battle Flag, I want to call attention to this very human activity of coexisting peacefully. Sharing space with other people suffering maladies, having bad days, living with constant pain – and they all somehow remain civil, peaceful and even friendly.

Life is hard for everyone at some point, we would do well to remember that we all suffer from the human condition, practice a little empathy, be nice to each other and prepare to be in awe of the humanity out there to be witnessed. It ain’t ALL bad folks.

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Roots; Where it begins..

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There are few constants in my life, music is one of those constants. Without it, I cannot imagine my life being anything other than drab, boring and far too quiet. I grew up listening to old classic country with my grandmother, current and contemporary 80’s and 90’s country from my mom and rock, blues and classic rock from my Dad. As I went to high school I broadened my musical tastes to include pop, rap, metal, hair metal, grunge, a lot of that popular 90’s music. Around the time that Toby Keith cut a song about smoking weed with Willie Nelson and my relationship with my ex boyfriend starting hitting speedbumps I left country music behind. Occasionally listening to Gary Allen, Shania or Garth, my staples in country music.

Fast forward to we’ll say about 7 to 9 years later and I am coming back to the country music roots I have, knowing now what type of country I prefer helps, because I know certain artists do only the type that will send me screaming from the banjos. I love a story, maybe it’s because I’m a reader, maybe it’s because the men in my family have all been story tellers, but that’s the type of country I prefer…storyteller music.

Honestly, there is an exception to EVERY rule. There is only one rule I can think of that bears no room for exceptions. But yes, by and large, if the song tells a story, I’m pretty much in…and lately it’s love songs. I know how ridiculous it is…trust me! Not swaying me though, I love it, Rascal Flatts, Luke Bryan, old Alabama, Jason Aldean..you name it. Brantley Gilbert was a welcome surprise. Just as I quit listening I think he had put out a song but I never paid any heed, I entertained punk, ska and metal for several years almost exclusively. Bottoms up is easily one of my top 5 favorite songs/videos – yeah it IS because he’s super hot.

See me not giving a single fuck what you think about that? Google him, you’ll see šŸ™‚ So yeah, country love songs all up in my car, at the house, playlist at work. The one that I love the most right now is older, and I believe off the first or second Rascal Flatts album. The Day Before You. I’ll link it below. If I’m in the middle of heartbreak next year this time – just take pity on me, remind me that it was good while it lasted šŸ™‚

Or you can play this next song for me lol.

It’s weird how events in our lives can return us to a different place, or bring us to a familiar place with new feelings. I’ve never felt so intensely about anyone, and that makes all of this music sound so different to me now than it ever did before. I’m making my peace, slowly but surely with the past as it resides in my memory. It helps that my ex just texted me last week, seemingly looking to start something up. I shut that shit right down – I am not even a little bit interested in returning to the land of confusion. Let me just also add, when I left, it was because all my efforts to make it work had been exhausted…and I’ll be honest, I had been kinda mean in the end of it all, why he would want to reach back out to me is beyond me.

It made me a little smug, admittedly. But like I’ve told you all before, I’m an asshole, and assholes get smug when a jerkface attempts to crawl back to what he so gleefully abandoned previously. So, with a country song, and me teaching myself two stepping – I’m back to some of those old roots…this is where it begins.

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