Still

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Still, I stare
Off in the distance
Thinking of every instance
Where you have been less
My, what a mess
You’ve created of your world
Still, you spare
No words when verbally beating
The ones who endure
Trying to be sure
You place your blame
On all but the one
Rightful
Owner
Victims we’re not
Of more than
Anger for being abandoned
For counting on
As always we had
Leaned on each other
Still, we care
Silent, we tear
Alone, we fear
One day we’ll hear
That it has gotten worse.

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Heads up!

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There are a lot of little philosophies we develop throughout life, some of us share them, some of us don’t, but we all have them. One that seems to cross my mind frequently is old, but good, “There’s a time and a place for everything”.

I believe that to be 100% true and valid, within reason, let’s not go off on a tangent here about exceptions. I think of this phrase as it pertains to my own behavior as well as others, more often others. Not that I’m infallible, but I already act according to my own philosophies most of the time anyways. I believe certain philosophies we carry should be shared with the younger generation, the best way to learn is to learn from someone else’s mistakes, rather than your own.

If the younger generations listen to our rhetoric and pay attention to what we do, they can have a much better effect on the world than we did. This is the way the chain of life is supposed to go, each generation gets smarter, better and more caring about this rock we live on.

One of my other philosophies is that our children have to develop a love for the outdoors before we allow them to spend mass amounts of time with technology. By technology I mean gaming and other recreational technology use that doesn’t lend them to gaining more knowledge. By all means teach them to code, teach them to work with robotics, throw so much at their minds that it’s forced to adapt to learning quickly. Technology has provided a closeness to others in the world that we’ve never known before and communication across the world happens all the time – that’s exciting. But it’s not everything. We have a world right here at our fingertips to enjoy and appreciate right here in HD color right in front of our eyes, without the threat of tired eyes from staring at a screen.

Summer is coming and the kids will be out of school soon, if you have no limits on technology for your children now, I encourage you to do so before they are allowed to have the days consumed by their gaming systems, tablets or cell phones. There is more to life, THERE ARE PEOPLE.

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The Battered Man

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I spent several hours talking to a battered man a few days ago, telling him about my experience in custody battles, being a parent and handling delicate situations and my knowledge of the law, never told him my name – on purpose. I don’t need him quoting me as if I’m a lawyer and I made that clear to him. Consult with your attorney, period.

Not only is he a battered man he’s also been emotionally beaten down for four years so much so that he feels so strongly tied to her, regardless of how horribly mean and jealous she is, how incapable she is of providing and how inept she was at maintaining her own home. This woman is 1 year younger than I am, 35 years old. I do not understand why ANYONE would stay with a person that would hit them, that’s a deal breaker folks. I will deftly shoot holes in any bullshit theory that makes staying with an abuser ok in ANYONE’S mind.

This man is financially stable and able to care for his two year old son. He has a great job that he can take time off from, and has several weeks of vacation available. He has also begun the purchase of a house. Some of you are like me and are just awed by the no brainer that is leaving this situation, when you have this much going your way. Understandably, he was concerned he would lose his son and pay through the nose to take care of him by proxy because he didn’t think he would get custody. This, is why he says he stays. So I explained to him what they law will allow. Settled his fears about custody, if the situation is what he says it is, have no fear – it’s time to GO. As we’re talking it is said that she is diagnosed bipolar and is un-medicated. That is when I told him he’s playing with a loaded gun. Oh and I mean it. He loves her, and I know the heart can lie and the brain will enable it, I’ve been there – but loving shouldn’t hurt like that.

By the time all was said, he was lining up his ducks, calling friends for a place to stay, making plans, working on his exit plan – did my damndest to instill in him that he didn’t have time, he didn’t have a week, HE HAD TO GO AND TAKE THAT BABY WITH HIM. I could go into the details of our conversation but I’d rather not rehash the whole thing, mostly because it’ll make me mad all over again. There are lots of things that I have no knowledge of, but family law, abuse, people who are diagnosed bipolar – these are all things I have a tremendous amount of experience with, and even teaching my child how to handle the other parent being off their effing rocker and dragging the child into the issues.

And I will argue those things to the death if it will save a child from seeing that kind of life and thinking it is normal. Every single child born to this world deserves a fighting chance at happiness, and if it means I have to be ruthless in arguing, because I mean to tell you – I was – then I will do so every damned time.

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Forgive Me Brain, It’s A Circle

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I’ve been mad at myself for a while but I’m letting go of that today. In 2011 I was walked off the highest paying job of my career to date. It wasn’t what many of you would call a lot, but it was a lot to me…and I worked a lot to get it. Also, until recently, my most challenging job, where I also learned a tremendous amount.

All that said, oh how mad at me I’ve been. That was the problem. I took it personally. Despite the personal nature (seemingly) of my relationship with the owners, it was a business decision. Making those hard decisions is what makes you successful. Was it necessary for them to be ugly about it, no..but..humans.

Let me tell you, the fallout since has been a REAL eye opener. I’ve been at this income level before..but I had less bills then…primarily the whole car payment thing. So I posit a question to you…

I’ve thought of returning to school, a lot of single moms do that…but I fear the time away not watching over my son could be detrimental to his future. I’ve thought of getting a second job…same problem. Tired of struggling so much, it leaves me even despondent sometimes.

If this were you, would you continue to struggle for a few more years then reconsider school? Kidlet being nearly 17 means it’s a short time left..maybe through college.

WAIT, HOW THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HIS COLLEGE?

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