MouthyGirl.com

Life deals us the oddest hands sometimes, it makes it hard for us to figure out if there’s some divine meaning to life, or if we’re all just some crazy experiment gone awry and we’re just waiting for the scientist to self destruct. Working for other people is a hard thing to do, especially when you have your sights set on working for yourself at some point.

I’ve had my share of stressful jobs, I’ve worked retail a lot, in all different scenarios, including door to door sales. I’ve waited tables, worked in a gas station (was robbed), delivered pizza - until it was time to get serious and get a “real” job. I’ve worked my way up the “clerical/office employee” ladder ever since. I’ve had my fair share of nightmare bosses.

Most recently I worked for a Dermatopathologist (the two years before my current job), which was very interesting and at times gross work. I learned a lot about skin, the medical world and how dermatology and plastic surgeon offices worked. Be that as it may, I always thought I was paid nicely and was allowed time off when needed, and if I didn’t use the paid time off I was given, I got it at the end of the year in a check, I even got a Christmas bonus or two. But the honeymoon was over when it was time for me to buy a house.

I discovered that my boss had a hard time seeing beyond her own nose in her private time, which I can’t say I wouldn’t struggle with myself if I were successful. That being said, I think personally that in an office environment of five or six people, the relationship with your employees is somewhat important for daily peace and I think that I would strive to maintain a healthy, friendly relationship with any employees I may ever have. But when I needed paycheck verification for my mortgage broker because we were paid with handwritten checks, my boss made it clear she was NOT going out of her way to get that for me.

I honestly thought I would not be able to get my house. She became my enemy overnight. I felt that anyone who would stand in the way of “the American dream” of home ownership for an employee who gave 120% every day at work, deserved nothing more than the work I put in. Nothing extra to impress the boss beyond what was required of me. It was sad really, I was upset at my boss for not wanting to assist me in this small task but also disappointed that she would allow my opinion of her to fall so low without caring about it.

I thought a lot of her because she was female, a physician and the primary wage earner in her house, despite the fact that her husband was also a physician - and actually saw patients regularly. I looked up to her because I thought she was funny, smart, mouthy(!), was successful and wasn’t a snob. Then she proved me wrong.

Stupid, I know. She was a Doctor, why on earth would she care what I thought of her? Exactly. I learned my lesson. My fate will not again lie in the hands of an employer to such a degree if I can help it.

Okay, let’s fast forward a year and a half. Tomorrow will be my one year anniversary at the law firm I work in. One year ago when I started I worked for the investigative agency, but in January was promoted to legal assistant. Still not sure I like it, but everyone there likes me and I usually like them back. Usually. I have my days though where I could leave there and never come back and it would not hurt my feelings at all. I’ve never had that strong of an emotion at any other place that I work.

But I’ve also never been on a cruise that my boss paid for as a Christmas bonus. He said two things as he told me what he was doing, “I hate giving you money for a Christmas bonus for two reasons - you’ll pay bills with it and won’t have any fun and the government will tax it.”

How nice. There are days that I could absolutely tell him to take this job and shove it because he makes me so mad. I’ve been talked to in ways I’ve never experienced but also been challenged in ways I’ve never experienced. I’ve learned things I’ve always wanted to know and that’s something no one can take away from me. Everything I’ve done before was pretty much by the book, text book boring type stuff. This job and all that it entails is very dramatic - so much so that I really never watch Law & Order or any of those super dramatic shows anymore just for the drama.

Everyone craves a little of it, even South Park has drama. Imagine that, a boss that played nice but didn’t come through for me in the end and a boss that is as hard assed as he wants to be that endows with appreciation in unexpected ways.

What a puzzle this life is.

Popularity: 37% [?]

Have you ever met someone who you were put off by immediately because of they way they acted? Like they were better than their surroundings and thusly, better than you? Ever try to talk to someone who seemed to be in another place while you were trying to hold a conversation with them?

Normally we expect people to be warm and friendly and quick to smile when we engage them in conversation. But what about those times where you smile and start a conversation with someone who doesn’t seem interested, or worse, doesn’t respond at all? Do you give those people another chance after your first impression of them? Do you make sure to tell everyone you thought that person was a jerk or was rude?

Now, imagine having a 50 hour a week job managing three people who are underpaid and don’t want to work, add to that a husband and two children ages 8 and 5, add to that three best friends, a mother and two sisters who call intermittently expecting you to stop, drop and chat for at least an hour. Add to that laundry for four people, dishes for four people every night and dinner to cook for four people.

Then there’s the work you brought home because there would be no other time to do it. Overwhelmed yet? Throw in a car in the shop, so you’re carpooling with hubby, which means you both have to get up earlier and someone’s doing double driving duty to get the kids to daycare in the morning and the birthday party that still needs to be planned for next week.

Now are you overwhelmed? This is a typical workday for most people, female or male, we all have a hell of a load to carry on a normal basis, we are a very stressed out people. If you’re a person who has all these hats to wear everyday and manages it, and even has the audacity to manage it well, a little confidence and pride is in order.

Sometimes confidence can be mistaken for cockiness to others and give the impression that we are pompous or rude, or worse, better than everyone else. I’ve been guilty of putting off that vibe and I have a friend who is constantly getting a bad rep because of the way she comes off to people, but as my friend I know her better than that. I know that she’d give the shirt off her back if someone needed it. I know that last year when she saw a fire off a country road and no fire trucks she pulled right over and ran inside, without for a second thinking of herself. I know that she’s fought through trials and tribulations like none I’ve ever seen and that anyone who calls her cocky or pompous can’t possibly know anything about her.

I believe those of us that have confidence issues or inferiority issues, have a big problem with the confidence of others. Confident, successful people walk with their heads held high and their eyes on the future and the prize, and won’t let things get in the way of their goals, they feel they’ve paid their dues and they want to collect on their hard work. How dare they!

Some of us make judgments before we even talk to a person. There is one problem with this method; deciding what type of person someone may be before letting them affect that decision is shortsighted and will only serve to keep you from knowing some really fabulous people.

Have you been guilty of judging someone without truly knowing them? I know I have been, and I know I’ve also been mistaken for a cocky and pompous person and wanted another chance to show I am not at all that way..

Have you been accused of being cocky, rude or pompous? How did you react and did you do anything to change the persons’ mind?

Popularity: 83% [?]

No one ever told me that life would be easy and if someone dared tell you that it would be, they’re a damn liar.

The easiest time in life is during childhood or after you’ve won millions. The in-between can be downright hairy if you let it be.

I look at my son these days and find myself so jealous of his charmed life, he wakes up around 10 or 11 or whenever he wants to and watches tv for a while or plays his playstation or whatever tickles his fancy from the many things we’ve provided him to entertain himself.

Each morning that I leave on my way to work, I feel two things, jealousy that he gets to stay home; and pride that I provided a life for him where staying home doesn’t have to be such a boring experience. I didn’t have it so good when I was his age, but things weren’t available then either that could occupy my time like the things that are available now.

Here are some tips that might make the day to day seem less stressful if you can keep your outlook positive. Something to keep in mind anytime you have a fear of being fired or your job being dissolved or anything that creates a fear inside you of looking for another job, think about this, “I was looking for a job when I found this one”. That might make it a little easier to venture out there, update that resume and start spreading it like wildfire over the vacant job listings.

Another expression to keep in mind is to, “Leave it at the door” that works both ways in the professional world, leave your home life at the door as you walk into work and leave your work life at the door as you walk out of work, this helps keep you from carrying all your problems all the time at both places.

Say you’re having marital issues, leave that at the door and don’t think about it at work because letting those personal issues cloud your work will become a problem that takes you back to our first tip, looking for a job, think of work as your respite from life (if you can) and think of home as your respite from work. Leave your issues with each place where they belong, in their place. I know that’s hard, but it’s necessary to keep both lives separate.

Everything you learned about life in high school was wrong and they forgot to tell you that as you picked up your diploma, sorry. But I’m telling you now, time flies faster after high school, and high school doesn’t prepare you for the real world. “F” means FIRED, not fail and retake in the real world.

There are no rules, only laws, goals and morals. How you handle the grey areas in between laws, goals and morals is up to you, but know that you have to own what you sell. If you walk confidently and present yourself as a take charge person, someone who can fill the spaces where they’re needed, you better be able to do it.

Likewise if you mope around work everyday and do as little work as possible and spend as much time surfing the internet on their dime as you can, you have to understand why you’re being replaced. You may not like it, but if that’s how you are in your work ethic you have to own it and realize it’s probably your fault you got shitcanned.

No one said it would be easy to be an adult, no one said it would be fun and there’s no silver lining at the end unless you create it for yourself now. So don’t count on everything turning out roses in the end if you didn’t put some good quality mulch down and plant those babies.

Life is hard, but being unprepared for the stress that accompanies life is much much harder. Walking into life prepared is an advantage that not many parents give their children. We coddle our children and tell them that every thing’s okay when it’s not and everyone’s a winner when they’re not and time out is what happens when you do things wrong. BULLSHIT, it’s go hard or go home and if you break the law, you go to jail.

Don’t go looking in your neighbors’ yard, thinking their life is coming up roses because life is better over there, their grass is only greener because they have more shit. Cultivate your garden of eden with things that make you happy, hobbies that make you feel good and surround yourself with people that you can tolerate and you’re off to a head start.

But I have to leave you now because, I owe, I owe, so off to work I go!

Popularity: 82% [?]

There are some changes due at my job and new employees will be coming on board soon, in light of this I decided to write today about accepting a job offered to you.

Can you keep up with everyone else at work? Manage to get your job duties done every day and find solutions to problems when they arise? Are you a proactive person or a reactive person?

Proactive means that you might spot a situation about to occur and you step in to correct it and make everything come out as it should. It means you have a grasp of your job/position/company well enough to know when something is about to happen, and you subsequently take the necessary steps to prevent and fix the issue.

Reactive means that you don’t see anything coming because you don’t know all the facets of your position/job/company and don’t expect when a problem comes your way, and most times you have to scramble to correct it as fast as you can, sometimes making mistakes along the way because you were in a hurry.

Being proactive takes a lot of work and discipline, it takes diligence in watching over your job and all that occurs with it, including the people you interact with that have an affect on your performance. Tolerating shoddy work is for the birds, I gotta tell you if I were an employer, I’m not sure I’d be liked very much.

Don’t take a job if you can’t do everything in that job description. Don’t expect to be able to learn your way into something completely new to you. It’s not fair to the boss, you or the other employees to have the burden of training someone 100% for their new job. That accounts I think for nervousness, when you walk into a new job knowing that you can do that job, it takes the pressure off because you know you are capable.

Gotta run because 8:00 is two minutes away and I have lots of work to do. Have a great Monday everyone!

Popularity: 79% [?]

There are times I’m incredibly proud of it, the knowledge I’ve gained and the exposure to a whole new world. The times that something awesome has happened, or a great mystery solved. Then there are times when all at once I feel so small and criticized and ridiculed as if I were a small child in need of lecture because I am just so stupid.

I’ve walked into a place and taught myself how to do what’s expected of me. It’s been said at times that I’m the only one who knows what’s going on there, those comments make me beam with pride at my ability to assimilate myself in almost any situation. But in the moments of criticism, there is meanness and anger that should be directed at a different situation that is beyond me and my own control. We are all the proverbial “whipping boy” in the dungeon that is that place.

I am challenged in that place in ways that I greatly enjoy, but on the same token, I am insulted in ways that I’ve never dealt with before, and faulted for mistakes that are not my own.

I find myself out chasing pavement again, knocking on doors and handing out my resume like a newspaper, down on every quarter and advertising things that someone might need. Hate to think of leaving such an exciting place, but the price is too high, I won’t sacrifice my pride and self respect so someone else can feel powerful.

Popularity: 73% [?]

Sometimes I get in a phase in life where I think everything is good, life is great and I don’t think about where I came from and what I came from and I can see great things in the future.

Inevitably, I open my mouth, I leave out a detail or I forget about something important - completely by accident and throw myself right back into the fire pits of the past. The hell that makes me think the wrong way and expect the worst of everyone. The reminder of an upbringing nowhere near normal.

What I’m saying is, the child ain’t right. The child being me. So many of you grew up with mothers that loved you, that you could run to and feel safe. What a feeling that must be, one that I cannot imagine on my best day. I have to mimic others to appear normal, I’ve developed this as quite a skill, tho I carry a doubt within me that prevails and gets stronger every time I stumble. A growing boil within my insides that swallows up confidence and reminds me that my roots are never far behind me - that it wouldn’t take much to be back there.

I say I don’t dream because I like to forget them - and I certainly try not to commit them to memory but the recurring ones are the worst, they force me to remember. Where she is screaming and laughing at me and telling me she was right all along. That I really am stupid and reminding me of the foolishness of dreams.

She haunts me. Yesterday I opened my mouth and inserted my foot, up to the damned knee. I won’t go in to detail but the scary thing is that this is happening more and more lately. I find myself challenging the people that mean the most to me, and I can’t quite figure out where I’ve slipped and let that part of me through. Maybe I’m getting comfortable, thus getting lax? Scary thought.

A friend told me once that she’d learned in psychology that in order to “break the cycle of abuse” (such a stupid label I only use for familiarity), you have to constantly think about your actions, your temper, the way you think, constantly keeping yourself on point.

Since that time I’ve tried to do exactly that, I don’t succeed at it much and “I’m sorry” are words that roll off my tongue readily but if humility is redeeming, then I redeem myself a lot and save my own ass with it, else I don’t know how people stand me.

I’m feeling like the loser I was born to be - maybe it’s not such a bad thing, eh? I like to claim that I’m a realist…

Popularity: 78% [?]

It’s Thursday. The Thursday before a three day weekend…which is cause for celebration. More importantly is the reason that we’re not working… the whole United States will sit in a day of remembrance and appreciation of our military men and women who fight for our freedom day in and day out.

Tomorrow is the last day of one of our investigators here at my job. He’s shipping out to Iraq next week and regardless of my political stance about this war and the feelings I have about our president and 9/11 and all of that. I feel for him.

He has a son who is at that age where the impression is made of their parents, the fingerprint so to speak that you leave on your children, I feel, is left when they’re 2-7. That’s the prime bonding time in my opinion and that’s when you really want to show how much you love your kids and family. The way he talks about his kids and his wife, I know this will be hard on them, his job now I’m sure is hard on them, but in a way I believe it will make it just a little easier on his wife. The overnight surveillances and the early morning evidence retrievals and the trips with clients as a bodyguard. Theirs is already a challenging marriage with that kind of a work schedule.

His work never stops, he jokes that he has to go to Iraq to get a vacation. He makes light, but I know this is hard for him. It would be impossible for me. Monday I will be thinking of him and his family, my Uncle who passed two years ago as a result of the Agent Orange used in Vietnam that he was exposed to, my neighbor who is serving our country in Germany, away from her husband for two years.

All around me there are people who have dedicated their lives to this country and it’s the least I can do to call attention to their sacrifice and appreciate it for what it is. They are putting their lives and families on the line, for me. And you. And our children.

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about our military men and women, and it will not be the last. They are the caretakers of our country, the fathers and mothers that protect us from harm. Every day that I leave my house with my hair uncovered and make up on and leaving the house I live in with the man I got to choose, I am thankful for my freedom.

Memorial Day isn’t just another day off.

Popularity: 94% [?]