MouthyGirl.com

It’s Thursday. The Thursday before a three day weekend…which is cause for celebration. More importantly is the reason that we’re not working… the whole United States will sit in a day of remembrance and appreciation of our military men and women who fight for our freedom day in and day out.

Tomorrow is the last day of one of our investigators here at my job. He’s shipping out to Iraq next week and regardless of my political stance about this war and the feelings I have about our president and 9/11 and all of that. I feel for him.

He has a son who is at that age where the impression is made of their parents, the fingerprint so to speak that you leave on your children, I feel, is left when they’re 2-7. That’s the prime bonding time in my opinion and that’s when you really want to show how much you love your kids and family. The way he talks about his kids and his wife, I know this will be hard on them, his job now I’m sure is hard on them, but in a way I believe it will make it just a little easier on his wife. The overnight surveillances and the early morning evidence retrievals and the trips with clients as a bodyguard. Theirs is already a challenging marriage with that kind of a work schedule.

His work never stops, he jokes that he has to go to Iraq to get a vacation. He makes light, but I know this is hard for him. It would be impossible for me. Monday I will be thinking of him and his family, my Uncle who passed two years ago as a result of the Agent Orange used in Vietnam that he was exposed to, my neighbor who is serving our country in Germany, away from her husband for two years.

All around me there are people who have dedicated their lives to this country and it’s the least I can do to call attention to their sacrifice and appreciate it for what it is. They are putting their lives and families on the line, for me. And you. And our children.

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about our military men and women, and it will not be the last. They are the caretakers of our country, the fathers and mothers that protect us from harm. Every day that I leave my house with my hair uncovered and make up on and leaving the house I live in with the man I got to choose, I am thankful for my freedom.

Memorial Day isn’t just another day off.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

First things first, if you have an attorney and you are not satisfied, nothing is stopping you from seeking out another, better one unless it is financial. Granted you may bear the expense of another retainer, but that could save you thousands later. In child support. In alimony/spousal support. In court costs and time off work. A good attorney can wrap it up quicker than a bad one. Or worse you have a bad one that doesn’t focus on your case and you get screwed by lack of interest in a wham bam thank ya mam kinda job.

All another attorney will typically have to do is file for a Substitution of Counsel, this keeps it civil because the people talking are attorneys that don’t know each other and don’t have any emotions tied to the case.

I’ll tell you straight away that you cannot walk into an attorney’s office with a chip on your shoulder. Just like with a doctor’s visit, this is the time for total transparency and letting that person in on everything you’re dealing with, related to your case. Tell them honestly, no matter your involvement in whatever, they are not there to judge you and if you get the impression that you’re being judged, don’t hire that one.

A good lawyer will not waste your time, most especially his. They are proud, demanding people, but if they’re good - you will be in the know when something is going on. They will inform you and they expect feedback. You are paying them to convey, and enforce your wishes at times. YOUR WISHES. Within the law.

If you have a family law case, or a divorce you should take the time to sit down and either write out a timeline of events if applicable, or a chronology of some sort to detail the issues you are having and what happened when to deteriorate the situation.

This saves GREAT amounts of time - and it’s information packed so the attorney can get a great understanding of your case quickly. Keep it simple, don’t try to sound like a smarty pants, just use a conversational tone and take care of business writing it all down.

When you go for an initial consultation, you want to give them information, not stories and he said she said bullshit, that wastes your time. Yes, your time. He won’t have time to tell you what your options are if you’re running your mouth with what you think is information. You need to be able to tell your story in five minutes so you can spend the rest of your time listening to what can be done. You can really aide this by having a timeline or chronology or documents explaining your predicament.

Lawyers are paid education. You are paying them to know the law and protect you and your loved ones. This is a time to be VERY interested in the public opinion of this person (look up the state bar or better business bureau or State Board for recommendations and complaints). Do take the time to research it. We’re not talking about tickets.

Another thing, don’t be an asshole. When a lawyer sits down to work for the day, he thinks of what cases he is going to work on by three premises: Where’s the Fire & Who Do I Like & Who Pays Me. By where’s the fire, I mean court dates approaching, deadlines, etc. By who do I like, I mean - who’s not impossible to deal with, or a jerk. And by who pays me, I mean - who pays what’s been agreed to. In addition to that, a lot of attorneys risk their malpractice insurance by keeping clients that don’t pay. That provides a bad premise for insurance.

A good attorney will usually tell you what he’ll charge you after he hears your case. Why? Because he’s been adding figures since you started talking. If it takes you a long time, he’s known for a while but you won’t know what he can do for you.

The questions you need to ask will depend on your situation. But after you tell your story and he tells you what he can do for you, you should have an understanding of the steps that are necessary next. If you don’t understand what’s going to happen, or your confused about what you were told, ask questions, they expect it. Utilize common sense and ask questions that will help you understand better.

For any case usually you want to know how long it will take - that’s hard to answer, but an attorney can average what the law says, with how the local court system works and give you an average amount of time based on that, give or take delays and complications in your case.

Provide useful information, let them know of any upcoming court dates, mediations, pretrial meetings - anything of that nature. Don’t make false accusations, you lose the respect of your lawyer that way and you make them look foolish and they really don’t like that.

The thing you want to keep in mind is to make this almost an informational meeting for both sides, they have to learn about you in a crash course, just like you have to learn about what’s next quickly. You have an advantage, you have already researched that lawyer. You should have anyway.

If you go through an employers recommendation, ask what their requirements are for attorneys in their recommendation list. They should have a minimum time limit for how long attorneys they recommend have been practicing, that’s a good thing because that gives time for the incompetent ones to figure out they suck and they typically quit practicing on their own - but if they don’t by this time they should have a few complaints if they’re bad and you’ll know to avoid them.

Additionally, some attorneys will meet with you after hours, but if they won’t it doesn’t reflect on them or their ability or integrity at all. At the end of the day, that attorney has a family or other things they go to, just like you. So asking them to stay after because “you can’t take off work” or some other excuse doesn’t usually float with them. They have to take time off to deal with personal things too. Respect them as individuals and you’ll find they will really like to work with you. Just don’t ask them to work for free.

Some General Rules of Law:

Don’t contact the judge. EVER!

Before you do anything drastic related to your case, ask your attorney.

Don’t talk to the opposing party if you can avoid it, if you can’t - for sanity’s sake KEEP IT CIVIL.

Don’t call your lawyer several times a day. If you have questions and generally think of lots of them, start writing them down and send them by email if you can.

Keep your mouth shut. Don’t tell people about your case, you involve them as witnesses at that point. Keep it to yourself and those that are in the know.

Definitely find out if the attorney utilizes email for correspondence. This way when you have compiled a list of questions, you can email it and they can answer them one by one, this saves you lots of time because they’re not spending time on the phone, they can multi task and you’ll get more information that way.

Don’t tell a lawyer joke without asking if they like them. My attorney loves them, my boss I’m not sure though - so don’t do that unless you know.

That’s all I can think of to tell you now, if you have questions, please include them in the comments. Keep in mind however, I’m a legal assistant and this is not to be misconstrued or taken as legal advice. You should seek legal counsel as it applies to your situation.

Hope these tips help!

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

I’m somewhere on a beach, the sun is warm on my skin and there’s an ocean breeze in the air and I’m at a place of peace I want to never leave. Rudely, mercilessly I awaken with a start to the sounds of my other half getting ready for that daily grind we are so intimately familiar with.

It’s started again. The best parts of my day are inside these walls. The walls of this house that we built, picked ourselves and watched spring from dirt to now. With the people that I love and that love me. But oh do I long for that beach, I can hear the sun call my name and the waves crashing, reminding me of the peace within them.

I sit up and look around, everything is blurry and squinting doesn’t work so I turn around and blindly stab around the headboard looking for my glasses. Making a silent vow to get lasik asap. I am frustrated with these defective eyes. Well, there are certainly more defects to this MouthyGirl, but at that moment, just that one was the complaint. That changed quickly. A huge credit to the DH for being such a pleasant person in the morning. I am so crabby and cranky in the morning that a few years ago he actually sat me down and had a talk with me about my morning demeanor. I laugh now, but it’s hard to be nice when the day is looming ahead, and it’s not yours to claim.

He’s great in the morning..he’s so consistently mellow that sometimes it pisses me off. Like this morning when I realized we still had today plus 4 MORE to get through this week. But all of these are passing thoughts in my morning routine of feeding the cats and getting them ice water in their bowls (yes ice water). I turn on the boob tube and check the news for the weather, as soon as I hear the weather I change it…too much news is….well too much.

Nick at Nite typically has good morning programming, I’m questioning the decision of the decision makers to put Roseanne on in the morning, as she’s quite annoying, but whatever. Once he goes to work I put it on VH1 and flip between that and CMT. I love how Dish groups the like channels for those of us that don’t like browsing the guide as a hobby.

He leaves for work and I finish getting ready for work..and so it begins. I remind the MouthyBoy to call me when he leaves and then when the bus comes, the bus coming being the only time he can call me, say one word and hang up promptly. Trust me, he does only what he’s required to do.

Out the garage and onto the street, on my way to the 8-5, to work on someone else’s baby. “Baby” being a figurative term for the practice I work in, of course it’s my boss’s baby, not mine. One day it will be handed down to his sons, and even then it will be someone else’s baby.

If all goes according to my Master Plan, or my “MP” as I call it, there will be a MouthyGirl magazine and makeup line and clothing line in a few years (please voice your thoughts on this in the comments) and that will be MY baby that I will LOVE to work on, and look forward to “working” everyday.

But sometimes doesn’t life seem like it’s in slow motion? Like you can’t speed up the day and the hours are determined to tick by slowly, every second taking a minute, every minute taking an hour and every day seeming like a week? I find myself looking for the DVR button of life so that I may “skip ahead” and bypass the commercials, getting to the meat of the show that is my life.

I find myself feeling like Simba, in a holding pattern that won’t let go:

One day I tell myself, as I daydream on the hour long trip to work, I focus on the road and crank up the stereo in an attempt to prolong the inevitable….my arrival to work and subsequently leaving my world and daydreams behind.

Now that I’m here, I’ll say goodbye to my dreams and hopes until 5:00 p.m. where they will be waiting as I walk out the door to seize me and capture my imagination again.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

We’d like to think it doesn’t happen anymore, that women don’t have to deal with this kind of disrespect in this new millennium, but that’s not so. Women are still being abused and beaten. Children are still having to watch their mother’s be beaten wondering if they’re next, often they are.

Abuse isn’t only physical, it takes many forms, verbal abuse is sometimes even more cruel that physical abuse because the way you think is the target of the abuser. I know what it’s like to be told you don’t know what you’re talking about and, “Shut up stupid” and various other insults and dismissives if you hear it enough you start to believe it, you can’t help it if someone that you think loves you says that to you. The sad thing is that people like that can’t love anyone because they don’t love themselves.

Respect starts from within, Love starts from within they are emotions you have to feel within yourself in order to be able to apply those feelings to others. If you don’t, you can’t relate to how that feels and understand that you don’t hurt those you love.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is there to help you form an escape plan to get out of your situation if you are afraid to leave of your own volition.

February 7, 2007 That National Domestic Violence Hotline and Liz Claiborne, Inc. announced the launch of LoveisRespect.org the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline. It’s hard to imagine that our kids could be dating someone that is abusing them, or worse, they are the abuser. I have a son, and while it’s hard for me to imagine that he would be that kind of a person, I recognize the need to teach him to respect himself and others.

You can take a quiz on the site to find out if your relationship is what it should be or if it needs a makeover. You can sign up to receive the Real Love eNewsletter a well. The LoveIsRespect.org blog has real questions and answers about things that teens are dealing with today.

Not only women are the subject of abuse, someone in my own family who is female has a history of abuse, verbal and physical against family and partners. Men get abused as well, and worse they are chastised for it because they’re men. But they face a double standard in this instance, they’re raised not to strike a woman, never lay hands on a woman and here’s this woman provoking and abusing him!

Sadly these women know the power that we hold as victims and usually are successful in making it appear as self defense and sometimes the man who is the victim is further victimized because police can’t tell and they take him to jail.

If you know someone that is being abused or you are being abused, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. The website also has an alert that pops up to warn you that your computer could be monitored, and if you think that’s a possibility not to visit the page and just call.

Additionally, if you know your pc is not monitored but you don’t want to be caught, there is an escape button in the top right corner of the page that redirects you back to your homepage. You are encouraged to test it immediately upon landing on the page to be sure that it works.

MouthyGirl advocates knowing your voice, hearing your own voice and marching to your own drum, not letting anyone try to steal that from you. You deserve better than that.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

You remember my post about forgetting things all the time? Well I decided to take some action to put an end to that and ordered the Bubble Planner for Women click here to view more details about it. I ordered it because it looked like something I could follow way better than the typical planner you find at Office Depot. I was right.

It came in today and i read the intro pages and think it’s awesome already.

Here’s an excerpt:

Get Control Now:
You have a sink full of dishes to wash, three loads of laundry to do, kids’ soccer practice, a dozen bills to pay, fifty-five emails to answer, a big stack of novels and magazines on the nightstand you’d love to read and no free time. You cacn’t add more hours to the day, but you can make the most of the time you have and get things done.

There’s more in the middle, but I want to skip to one of my favorite parts….

CHOP it down:
One of the best ways to get control of your life is to break it down into manageable pieces. CHOP is an acronym for the contexts of your life: Computer Actions, Home Actions, Office Actions and Phone calls. When you subdivide our projects by defining the next physical action, you begin to take control. Having a sense of control will make you happier.

The best part is that it’s flexible, there are discs that bind the planner, so it’s like a rolodex, if you want to move a page, you pull it from the discs and put it where you want it.

It’s by far the coolest, most efficient planner I’ve ever bought. I’ve bought lots before that didn’t make it past the first week. Not to mention, I don’t need something that looks like a miniature school binder, what I’ve gotten here is much simpler, no cheap ass calculator and plastic ruler necessary, just the planner pages. I like being able to move my content around as I need it. This also means that adding pages, ordering refill packs, etc is extremely easy. Not to mention the 100% Guarantee of satisfaction. You have nothing to lose!

So click the link, for more details and get your bubble planner. You won’t be sorry!

Subscribe to MouthyGirl.com and never miss another post!

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

I signed on to update a website for my job. No problem. Then I got into the website, and started looking around at the setup and now I’m just at a loss. There is SO much work to do, that I don’t know where to start. I really kind of think it would be easier, quicker and more time efficient to start over.

So I think what I’ll do is build a sub domain and build the site myself from the ground up and then just replace the eyesore that is currently there. The previous webmasters as far as I’m concerned got $1,000.00 free and clear. I told my boss he should write it off as charity since they’re church ministry types. They didn’t do anything they were asked to do, didn’t update anything and really made a huge mess for anyone that comes after them.

The sad thing is that I just don’t think they know what they’re doing. I believe you get what you pay for, and maybe for the 90’s the site they built was okay, but we’re in a new millennium and the agency is taking off and they need something WAAAAY more professional.

So work work work!

Update: Alas, I have a plan! You knew I would
Subscribe to MouthyGirl.com by Email so you don’t miss any posts!

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

At what age do we start expecting more out of our children? I’ve been wrestling with this issue for a while because my son is 10, almost 11 - a “tweener”. Between a boy and a teen, but definitely with a teenager’s attitude problem. LOL

I am realizing finally that my nicknames for my son are getting old, and very soon will be a sore point. I don’t guess he’ll want his friends to know I call him sugar and munchkin (though he surely is not) and all sorts of other cute things. We have a very special Moniker for him though that he’ll never be rid of… but I won’t share that here, if he ever finds it I’ll become a statistic instantly because he will kill me. I say that purely in jest.

But seriously, when do we as parents cut the bullshit and coddling and stop excusing their various behaviors as “being a kid”? Right after Christmas break my son came home with a report card that, were it html code would’ve been all white. (FFFFFF is the HTML code for white).

I promptly grounded him from everything fun that he holds dear with the exception of his legos. I let him keep those. I figured if I took away every distraction or preoccupation, he would have nothing else to do but get his work done and be prepared for more. The next report card was passing, but that’s all it was, just passing. I’m not impressed. My son is not a stupid kid, but his laziness will only make it harder for him to learn because he’s not keeping up with his classmates, it’s a terrible cycle and what’s worse is it snowballs into a much bigger problem.

Earlier this week I vented about this but didn’t really go into much detail. Not that I am here, but I want to hear from other mothers or anyone who has children that struggle in school or struggled themselves or was 10 once, whoever, I’m not picky.

Yesterday I decided on a whim to go through my sons’ backpack, good thing I did. I found work that was incomplete, looked through his spirals for his daily work and saw a lot of pages with the beginnings of work but nothing after the first few lines, papers that I should’ve seen and signed, a permission slip (for the all important “Changes in Your Body” video) and all sorts of other things. The boy was shocked at my whim and disappointed that he’d been found out.

Most importantly I found a two week old progress report from school that had the same damn problem, all F’s. One of those grades was an 8!!! I looked at my son and asked if he remembered how he just earned everything back recently and if he recalled how boring it was for him, he said yes. I told him that he needs to find a way to fix these grades and fast because if I see another report card with a failing grade even just 1, little man goes into no fun mode again. He knows I’m not playing. What else does he have to do or think about? Not bills!

I told him that I believe I’d made the impression that grades are important in our household and he agreed. I advised him to ask his teacher today what he will need to do in order to bring those grades up and then do whatever she tells him to. He said he would. We shall see.

You see I know he’s lazy. I knew that all along. I’ve just been waiting and hoping that there would come that moment where everything just “clicked” as it does for so many kids, including myself, and he would finally buckle down and get after it.

I think, like he does his alarm clock every morning, that that moment came and clicked and he shut it off and went back to sleep. I told the little man further that if he ends up repeating a grade because of this laziness, that I’ll hold him back a year from his license for every year that he repeats, (he looked at me with lack of understanding on his face) I explained that if he fails this year, that he’ll be 17 before I let him apply for his license. You should have seen the shock in his eyes.

I’m raising the stakes though because the stakes of his future are high. His ideal would be that we buy a “dream” car when he’s 13 and he and DH can build it to the specs that he wants for him to have at 16. I told him if he wants that from us…we need to see some B’s, not just barely passing.

What do you think? Do you have this issue with your kids? Any motivation ideas? Horror Stories? Brothers who lived a life of crime due to laziness, or that woke up at 15 or in high school and are Dr’s now? Let me hear from you on this one MouthyGirls and Boys!

Update: Below are the replies I received on MommyTalk.com - which are very helpful…read on….

I am so intrigued at how quickly these moms rallied around to give me support, they are wonderful people and I’m glad I joined MommyTalk.com I’ve met so many great moms, that I think it makes me a better mom to seek that support from other moms “in the trenches”. So if you’re a mom, you should pop over to MommyTalk.com today and find some comrades in arms…

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!