Do you ever have those moments in time where everything is just sort of surreal all at once? Like you look at what you’re doing right at that moment as if you’re watching someone else?

I went out late last night to get something at the grocery store and as I’m rolling with the windows down, I Wish You Were Here playing on the radio, it all seemed like part of a cheesy movie I would probably watch that would remind me of old things and feelings and be all about some regular girl leading a regular life… you know a cable movie.

Do you know what I mean? Its an introspective thing I guess and I’m never good at explaining this type of thing but I’ll try again. I was a little irritated when I left and as I’m prone to do in my internal dialogues I was running through my history and looking at how I’ve gotten where I am and that sort of thing. Thinking of a few things I should have finished that would have me in a better situation and things like that.

Then out of nowhere it hits me that dammit – I’m doing okay for myself. That’s when that surreal moment struck. Its not the first time I’ve experienced it and in my mind the memories that hit me all look like those movie scenes where all the edges are white and everyone sounds like they’re underwater and laughing…its weird.

Growing up I always saw my mom struggle and I thought she was smart so if she wasn’t making it how in the world was my dumb ass gonna make it? I always thought I would be screwed. But I’m not and I see her for what she was then and me for who I am and I really am doing okay for myself.

Intertwined with this movie moment and memories lie all the things that remind me of where I come from and that I really should be doing better. I have accepted mediocrity in situations where I should have demanded excellence, of myself. I have done that and I’m guilty of starting things that lead to success, but not finishing them.

I’m guilty of letting what I think of me infect what I can do for me. Isn’t it strange what we do to ourselves?

So I had a “movie moment” and I’m doing okay for myself…okay just isn’t enough. I still recognize that for me there is a lot of room for improvement. There is a large piece of the pie waiting for me somewhere and it holds beautiful places and things and a comfy retirement…sooner than later.

I’m off to get mine.

We are constantly told how we should look. Always being told (male and female) what we are is not good enough. Well I say enough is enough. I think we should all start taking better care of ourselves, our husbands and our families and letting that world, that inner personal sanctum of life be where we focus all of our energy. Your relationship with your spouse for example…how is it? Have you asked him/her lately?

I’ve gotten out of the habit but for a long time after the hubby and I became more serious I would periodically ask him just out of the blue if we were okay. It opened the conversation up for any criticisms or discussion about anything that he felt we might need to talk about, and it wasn’t during a fight which is undoubtedly the worst time to bring up an issue you have with your significant other.

You have to take care of that relationship, cultivate the strongest relationship that you can, trust him/her and expect them to trust you and don’t do anything to break that trust. Don’t lie, don’t hide things and don’t be an asshole. Most importantly, know what’s important to the other person in this partnership you have. Know what their goals are, dreams and aspirations. It will help you to support them, encourage them, and bring them back on course when they might lose their way. That’s your job after all as their significant other, to be the other half, not necessarily the better half, but do be the other half, not half ass.

Then there’s the most fun part of the relationship. That too needs conversation, cultivation and most importantly, action! You know I’m talking about SEX. Recently I went to a “slumber party” at my sister’s house hosted by her friend, Melody. It was a fun party and brings attention, on a personal and intimate level (without embarrassment) to your sex life. Offering options and new tricks and techniques…it’s important to work your thing, you know what I mean?

Let’s face it people, we all have sex, and if we’re not we’re wishing we were. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about it in my opinion, honestly if you don’t take care of that sex life, it will not take care of itself. If you don’t enjoy sex, find out what that’s all about and do what you can do to ensure it’s enjoyable for you, because it is very important.

Don’t leave your man/woman hanging and only give it up occasionally, after a while they’ll begin to have feelings of self doubt and think you aren’t attracted to them anymore. They may not tell you that, but it’ll happen. You don’t want to be the reason someone else feels unloved and unattractive, especially if that person is your one and only.

If you love someone, love them right. Give it all you have and then more. Don’t expect them to do all the work, and don’t you do all the work either. You have to be the right person, try to be nice, don’t say things you don’t mean and really give it your all. We all have off days, but don’t make your relationship one big off day. Just because you’re past dating and you may have a few children doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have date night. With your partner and one with your kids, they love the idea of “dating” their parents. Especially if they know Mom and Dad still “date” they’re naturally going to want to be part of that.

Love your kids, take lots of pictures of them, make them laugh, tell them you love them and try to remember what it was like to be in their shoes. Remember that they’re just kids and let them be little. Let them be kids. Forgive them when they mess up and show them how to do right. Tell them about sex even if it makes you uncomfortable. Tell them about drugs even if you don’t want to, they need to know what their parents think, or by not talking about it they’ll think it’s okay.

What you don’t address leaves open for your kids to hear from other kids what they think. They want to know what people think, you gotta tell them what’s important to you, because they’ll listen. Talk to them when they’re teenagers about how cute they were when they were little, they like it.

Take care of you and yours. Stop worrying about what the rest of the world might think of you and worry about what your family thinks of you, they’re the ones that matter, your family’s opinion of you is the most important of all.

Don’t let them down. Forget about what goes on outside your front door and realize your priorities again. We get so caught up in the outside world we as a nation have been ignoring our homes, our children, our spouses. Families across this nation have been falling apart for years, kids grow up and get a therapist. It’s time for all the nonsense to stop. We drug our kids instead of hug our kids. Don’t you see what’s wrong with the picture?

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