Eighty Eight

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Today my grandma would be 88. In a week, it will be the anniversary of her death. I struggled this morning with her memory, and tried to decide if it’s better to remember her today, and acknowledge that memory – even through the missing her feelings, the lump in my throat, or do I shove away the thoughts and push through the day as if it’s no special day. To save me the tears, and the missing her.

I decided finally that I’m not shoving her down, stifling her memory, I’m choked up because I love her. She deserves that from me, the acknowledgement that she’s still a really BIG force in my life. My eyes are wet as I write this and I’ve now shielded my face from anyone looking through these office doors so they don’t see my face as it inevitably turns red – and my eyes as they fill up.

She deserves every second I give her in my mind, and every word that I speak, write or consider in her honor. She was amazing, and audacious and I was lucky for every second that I had her in my world. Now I’m gonna swallow this lump in my throat and give her voice in my head a nod, because she would tell me to suck it up and that this is part of life lol.

I may not face it every single time her birthday comes around, but I know I’ll have it in the back of my mind, as I have so far. Kisses and love Grandma.

Heartache

Heartache

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Thirty Years of Awesome

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I was a late bloomer, I have been learning my generation backwards, if that makes any sense. I spent a lot of time in my youth trying to figure out which end was up, forget knowing what everyone else was doing. I was clueless, and no not the like fucking movie. However, what I can say is that our generation was smart, had good taste and while very needy, emotional and prone to whining, overall we’re a pretty smart and awesome bunch.

The following information is not given out so that you can make fun, so stfu! I used to really enjoy country music, so much so that I listened to virtually nothing else with a few exceptions… those exceptions I made I now see as my brain’s way of telling me there was more to music than a steel guitar and nasal voice. πŸ˜‰

There’s speed metal and Rage Against The Machine and Sublime and Mos Def and John Legend and Blues Traveler and Live and Incubus and oh hell I could go on and on. I have always had a deep love of music, no talent, but much appreciation. I just had it on the wrong channel, country music never fulfilled my need for expression and oddly music now does that in a profound way for me. The other cool thing is that our generation produces today some of the most awesome entertainment ever created.

For example, Robot Chicken:

You cannot tell me you don’t love it! If you don’t um…do you like country music too? Just kidding, I still like George Strait πŸ˜‰

One thing I’ve never had an appreciation for was drama. Never once did I enjoy a bit of it unless it was in a movie. Some people have a huge flair for drama and those are the kind of people I try to avoid like the plague…THE PLAGUE!

In about a month I turn 31…several years ago I heard a song by Tim McGraw…STFU!.. called My Next Thirty Years…good stuff. Have a seat and enjoy:

Hug a 30 year old today! Have a good Friday everybody, do something fun this weekend and tell me about it!

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Working Again

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I’ve only got a few minutes for you because I have to get ready to go to my new job! I’m very excited, I think this is going to be a fun job, with fun people. The various environments I’ve been in throughout my working career have made for some very interesting memories, to include the people I’ve worked with and interacted with. There’s nothing like real life to give you character. πŸ˜‰

Last night I spoke with my cousin Rebecca, whom I wrote about a little on Sunday, I told her I’d written about her and my uncle and that she should read it when she’s ready. She asked about the job, and last she knew I was working at home and very excited, we saw each other on my birthday. It’s funny how much things can change in such a short amount of time. Between you and me…I’m not sure working at home is for me.

I’m so much more social than I ever realized, I’d find myself craving interaction. I enjoyed being here when my son got home, that was a definite positive. I’ll be getting home later now, but it’s all good. I’m not upset about that, I’ve never worked 9 to 6 but it can’t be all that different than any other shift. Hopefully it’ll allow the worst of the traffic to die down both ways for me. Hopefully.

I can’t tell you much about my job, but what I can tell you is that I’ll do it well, once I know all of the aspects of my position. I’m to understand it’s a created position, so really that’s all the more reason for them to see that job as mine and no one else’s. That’s my mission anyways. Being unemployed incited feelings in me that I don’t care to revisit, however I look at it I feel I could have and should have avoided it still, but I do realize that maybe this had to happen to get me out of the job I was in.

I enjoyed most of the people that I worked with there, but I can honestly say I have never worked in a more hostile environment in my life, only one other time in my life can I compare that experience to, and I ran from that one too. I remember roughly a week before I found that “job” I had told a coworker that I was taking the first train out of there. That’s what I did, sadly that train derailed come payday, but lessons learned…water under the bridge…yada yada yada.

We’re on a new page, it’s a new day and you know what? I’m excited.

Have a good day everyone!

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