To Be Free

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To Be Free

I like to think in all of us lies a wandering spirit. A part of us that wants to soar high above everything and everyone and observe the world as we know it, from far above where nothing and no one can touch us. My spirit has a wanderlust that wants to see things I will never see, I might be able to make the time and create the resources to see all that I want to now, but I know that the more I see, the more I will want to see of this world, the need will never be satiated. Through my own choices I have anchored myself to one place, one plane of existence where there are expectations, and people that need me. This can be a depressing knowledge if you let it.

One of my oldest friends went West, exploring, after we both graduated high school and when I was able to reconnect with her, she had landed out West for a spell – I remember being jealous of her freedom and her daring. What a wonderful thing to hit the road and just GO! My oldest cousin had a similar freedom during youth and wandered across the country, hitchhiking even! Every time I hear these stories of wandering to parts unknown with no resources, just going and letting life happen, I am awed.

It was this type of inspiration that led me to Colorado, the biggest question was, “Why not?” and I had no definitive answer, so we went! And it WAS freeing. To leave everyone behind, was an incredible feeling that I crave feeling again. You might be concerned I’ll become a risk taking junkie – but no. I have a deep sense of responsibility to life and know that I will never risk things that would endanger anyone other than me. When I look at the freedom of this flight pictured above, the beauty that surrounds and the intonation of peace…my mind wanders to lazy days and relaxing surroundings, that I will experience. The only question is WHEN?

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The Bridge to Peace

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I follow a Freelance Writing page on Facebook and occasionally they’ll post a writing prompt, to get those lovely creative juices flowing. The image from today is of a bridge in a beautiful snowy meadow. Here is my result:

I imagine myself on the porch of my Tiny Cabin, that I have lovingly dubbed “The Fox Den”, this is my retreat in Colorado, where I come to feel one with the earth and all the energy that surrounds us without the noise of talking, cell phones, chirping vehicles, animals, people. There is nothing here. And there is no one.

I breathe in the icy air and smile at the steam I create as I exhale, the tuft of hot air smelling of hot chocolate and fading within seconds. My nose is red and my fingertips freezing even as they hold onto my boiling hot mug. “I am going to write today” I think. “It may be nothing, it might take weeks to finish, but today is the day for Page One.”

With that I tug on my snow boots and trudge down the slope to the frozen over creek and step out onto the bridge. I know that it will only afford me a few steps, but I will take them as this bridge creaks and shudders..I am no daredevil but the thought of landing on ice or falling through the ice to stand in a foot of icy water is not one that I want to experience! But the thrill of tempting fate is hard to resist for someone as impulsive as me, so to speak. So I take my three steps, repeating a trail I have walked every morning since my arrival.

I stand there and marvel at my success again, smiling at the trees before me and all around, staring up at my tiny cabin and loving her simplicity and rich colors against the backdrop of the snow, trees and mountains. I finally did it. This cabin, this acre, this creek on this acre. All mine, alone.

This is peace.

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Spilling the beans

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All summer I told you I’d write to you, and I was busy doing this, or that, or just whatever it was I was doing. I felt bad, so now I’m writing this long promised post, catching you up with me. You all I’m sure know by now that J and I aren’t together anymore, in fact it’s been over a year now that I’ve been single. It’s been an interesting ride, I’ll tell you that. I met a nice guy almost right away that I liked a lot, but as with all “rebounds” that ended, nearly as quickly as it started. On the heels of that dating experiment, I met another nice guy, this one too, I liked a lot. He was funny, sarcastic, a great smart ass and had the best short jokes I’ve ever heard. We’re still friends, but distant. Now I’ve been on my own a while, no boyfriend, a few dates here and there..

The job I was doing in Management lasted until June, when the company went corporate and did as corporations do, restructured and replaced me with a new grad, for less money and with automated systems that did the job. Oh well, my boss expected far more than she paid for and even still it was never enough. Maybe it was a culture barrier, but I gave a lot of myself to that company. Knowing now, how much of me I was giving, she did me a favor by turning me loose. Of course initially, I thought my world would crash down around me and had no clue what I would do. About this time, my partner in crime transferred to Colorado Springs, my cousin Rebecca. She had been in Colorado all of a week when this happened and I of course called her, panic stricken but with a strange sense of relief.

She talked me off the ledge and extended an offer for me to stay with her. It took a few weeks for me to decide for sure, but once I decided, I was packing and gone within about ten days. At this point in my life I had decided that Texas held no promise for me, and at the very least I owed it to myself to explore a new area. Colorado is beautiful! So the kid, the cat and I pile into the car, hitch a trailer to the back and take off, leaving Texas, family and all my other friends behind.

More tomorrow!! Share your comments!

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Cut Down

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No comprehension of that compulsion
No humanity in that human
No shame for the shameless..only condemnation
Activating, igniting that knee jerk reaction
That reaction that begets violence

The thirst for blood, vengeance
I believe that same fever becomes ignited in our outrage
In reaction to the atrocity
We ask for swift justice
and condemn him to Hell

This makes us better?

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