Rocky Mountain High

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Alrighty folks, where were we?

Oh yes! I’d left for Colorado. Can I just tell you, that drive was something else! We stopped overnight in Amarillo but still, wow! I’ve never gone out of Texas beyond Oklahoma so I felt special and adventurous and brave. I was homesick almost immediately. You take for granted familiarity of surroundings until you’re in an alien part of the country and you don’t have any idea where you are. Turns out, there are a lot of things Texas does, that other states don’t and vice versa. Now, I have to tell you on a side note, that during this time, my grandmother got sick with a chest cold of some sort and with her medical condition, she was going to have to go into the hospital for care for a while to get better and go back home. So the week after I arrived in Colorado Springs, my grandma went to the hospital, for routine care. My relationship with my Grandmother is complex, and hard to explain to people but like many in the generation of children now, my Grandmother raised me for the most part, so she is dear to me. She also taught me my trade and my heart fell when I learned she went in and I was 800 miles away.

I talked to her every few days, she sounded strong and cheerful and other family members frequented her room to visit and keep her company. During this time, I’m in Colorado, contemplating the decision I’ve made, surveying the area, the local and state government, the school system. All of those things to get a feel for my new surroundings. I enjoyed the mountains as a backdrop to the everyday scenery, there is a beauty and serenity in that vision that defies explanation. True enough, Colorado is a more liberal state with regard to medication, and it’s beautiful, but the taxation vs cost of living vs other things I was weighing, after about a month..I decided to make tracks back home. About this time, my grandmother had a crisis in the hospital.. making things that were already bad, worse.

I can tell you with complete faith, that for an entire week my blood pressure was at critical levels. I felt guilty, panicked, stranded, and like I’d let her down by leaving.

So much happened, you’ll be overwhelmed if I continue now.. More tomorrow! Share your comments!

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Never Failed

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There have been few constants in my life, most of the people I’ve come to know in my life, I have since lost contact with, by choice or by time.  Aside from my sisters, one of those people is my Grandmother.  She has been the matriarch of the family and led us all quietly and often without us realizing it.  We’ve all taken her for granted more often than we should have.

Recent complications with her health have forced us all to face the harsh reality that we will lose her, and this is a moment we have all dreaded.  I’m sure that you can relate, most of you have experienced the loss of a family member.  It seems particularly difficult for me, I’ve looked to my grandmother for guidance in many ways even she didn’t know.  She has served as my mentor with her wisdom and gift for explaining her views or opinions with clarity.  She’s always been an inspiration to me.

A few of us in the family were together last night when the seriousness of the situation was presented, and we are mostly scared.  The last year has not been fair, I lost my other grandmother last year and my only grandfather in July. Spent most of my sons birthday at a funeral.  I’m ready for a little less mortality in my face.

It is possible we could still have a long time with her, that’s certainly what I hope for.  I know this post is depressing, for that I apologize.  I’ll save the “…appreciate your family….” for another time.

Thanks for reading.  Live today.

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Bite Your Tongue!

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It’s the holiday season, the time of year when everyone is supposed to be on their best behavior and put up with the most crap from people. Drunk relatives at dinner on the holiday, relatives in jail on the holiday, gossipers, mean spirited people, they all need love during the holidays.

Regardless of the dysfunction in your own family, it’s good form to swallow your pride, show up and smile and make like you like these people. They are after all the reason you are the way that you are, and we’re proud of that aren’t we?

So go ahead and use this post as your personal purge place of all that is your holiday irritation. Something happen every holiday that you’re not looking forward too? We’ll comfort you, share here, we all have that one thing that we know will happen that really gets under our skin.

I’ll start. Growing up, my Mom didn’t express a lot of care, affection or any of that sort of gushiness you expect from mothers that love their kids to death. However, the grandkids are a different story, they get love, gushiness, the whole ball of wax. It grosses me out. I’m glad for the kids, they need it and should have it, so it’s great that she does it for them, I just can’t help but wonder if it’s an act to be accepted.

It just grosses me out. Your turn.

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Never Meant to Be

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It has been brought to my attention on more than one occasion that I’m not very affectionate. It’s true, I’m not. The rerason, I believe is because I didn’t grow up arounf affectionate people, it wasn’t a behavior I learned. On the contrary in fact, aside from my sisters, hugging and all that jazz only happened on Holidays.

That’s just an explanation of why I believe this is the way I am, its not exactly the best way to be, mind you I hugged my son like crazy when he was little. I give him his space usually now.

The problem with that is this, people around me feel neglected and that I’m cold, it doesn’t help that I have a sharp tongue.

I know I’m not the only one like this, my family isn’t the only family that’s not what I call “touchy feely”. Has it affected your relationships? If so, what have you done to mend it?

I try to remind my family that I do love them and overall they know I care, I’m sure its the same with your family, tell me what steps you take and the little things you do to show your family you care.

“Cold” by Crossfade:

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